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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that children should begin learning a foreign language at primary school, while others believe it is better to start at secondary school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Introduction
Foreign langauage had played a key
factor
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role
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 in
school
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 learning. But some
people
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 argue that children should start learning a foreign
language
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 in primary
schooling
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school
.
While
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 some other
people
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 think that it is good for
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student
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students
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 to start at secondary schooling.
This
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 essay
eludicates
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elucidates
 both the plots with
relevent
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relevant
 examples,
Followed
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followed
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 by my point of view.
Body paragraph 1
On the
first
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one
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 hand, some
people
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 think that
,
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apply
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 learning
other
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another
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language
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 in primary level will help them to complete their syllabus faster in future. Some
school
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 has started teaching foreign languages, so that children
does
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do
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 not get difficult in future.
For example
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, A
school
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 named
rayan
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Rayan
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,
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apply
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 had started teaching
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student
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students
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 at
primary
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the primary
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 level,
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this
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which
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 helped their students in early syllabus
complation
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completion
 and helped many students to focus on
main
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the main
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 subject.
Moreover
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, learning
foreign
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a foreign
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language
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 at
early
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an early
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 stage gives more time to study many other
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language
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languages
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think that
,
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apply
show examples
 learning
foreign
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a foreign
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language
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 in secondary
school
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 will help to learn that
language
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 fast and very easily.
Student
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 had developed their mental
skill
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skills
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 before starting
of
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apply
show examples
secondary
school
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 .So that they can learn
foreign
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a foreign
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language
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 very easily and fast.
For example
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, a boy named
ram
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Ram
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 started his secondary
school
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, he
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. He
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 was studying langauge which he quick in learning that
language
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,
because
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and because
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 of
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this
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this,
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 his
overall
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 percentage
got
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apply
show examples
increased
very much
Rephrase
significantly
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.
Furthermore
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, some parents think that
,
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apply
show examples
those children who are studing foregin
language
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 in primary
will
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school will
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 have more stress
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then
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than
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 other students.
Conclusion
To
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Conclude
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conclude
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, in my opinion,
childern
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children
 studying in primary
school
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 will have more harmfull effect that those who are studying
foreign
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a foreign
show examples
language
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 in secondary
.
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school.
show examples
Because of the
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The
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 undeveloped mental ability will give stress to the
student
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.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, which is good. However, make your main view clear in the first part and keep it the same in the end.
task response
Give fuller reasons for each side. For primary school, explain why young children may learn sounds and new words more easily. For secondary school, explain how older students may focus better and use good study skills.
task response
Your examples are too short and do not feel real. Use clear general examples, such as a child who learns simple songs and words in primary school, or a secondary student who can study grammar in more depth.
task response
Some ideas need more care. For example, say why learning early helps with later school work. Also explain why stress may happen, and why it may not happen in every school.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, first view, second view, and end. Keep this plan, but make each main paragraph start with one clear main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words in a more natural way. For example: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”. Do not put a comma after every link word.
coherence and cohesion
Make the links between sentences clearer. Use words such as “This means that”, “As a result”, and “However” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “foreign language” and “very easily” many times. You can use “a new language”, “it”, “more quickly”, or “with less trouble” when the meaning is clear.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you write about both views and state your own view.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas, such as the school and the boy in secondary school.
coherence and cohesion
The order of your ideas is easy to follow because each view has its own paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “On the first hand”, “On the other hand”, and “To conclude”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Pronunciation
  • Fluency
  • Brain plasticity
  • Cultural awareness
  • Globalized world
  • Proficiency
  • Educational opportunities
  • Motivation
  • Resource constraints
  • Specialized teachers
  • Academic pressure
  • Parental involvement
  • Curriculum balance
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