IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

As mass communication and transport continue to grow, societies are becoming more and more alike, leading to a phenomenon known as globalization. Some people fear that globalization will inevitably lead to the total loss of cultural identity. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Globalisation
Use synonyms
 is a contemporary phenomenon
that is
Linking Words
 a subject of controversy, as many people think
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the loss of cultural identity
as a consequence
Linking Words
. In
this
Linking Words
 regard,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain why
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 strongly agree with the idea of cultural loss that stems from
globalisation
Use synonyms
 for 2 major reasons
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 1) commercial opening/competition and 2) massive migration.
Body paragraph 1
Globalisation
Use synonyms
 is a phenomenon that enhances free trade and commerce between countries across the globe. In
this
Linking Words
 case, few people would dispute the fact that the establishment of worldwide enterprises within a country
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 inherently comes with international workers
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 settle in a determined city or country.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the new communities are needed to integrate into the new society, creating parallel
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 among the population of a city that might reshape their day-to-day lives.
For instance
Linking Words
, the worldwide opening of McDonald's stores normally reframes the dietary habits of cities, countries or regions as it grows in popularity.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the arrival of executive workers from the United States might push the American food culture in a community that barely eats their products
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
thus
Linking Words
, the local gastronomy traditions might start to vanish.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the outputs of
globalisation
Use synonyms
 often include the arrival of massive amounts of immigrants from poor states towards the so-called "First-World countries", as it develops more affordable and easy ways of transportation and communications.
In addition
Linking Words
,
massive
Correct article usage
a massive
show examples
 exodus is often perceived as a positive change for an economy, as it brings a cheaper labour force and creates new employment;
nonetheless
Linking Words
, the sociocultural adaptation of the immigrants is normally an important struggle they face.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, situations
such
Linking Words
 as gang violence, robbing and homelessness usually tend to appear in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed societies, creating a tense coexistence among locals and immigrants.
For example
Linking Words
, the massive Moroccan crossing to Spain led to a decent economic performance;
however
Linking Words
, the crime ,
such
Linking Words
 as money laundering, pickpocketing and
elders assaulting
Replace the word
elder assault
, is largely perceived as a drawback by Spanish people
as a consequence
Linking Words
 of mass crossing , and it contributes to aggravating the social fabric in Spain.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the large
spreading
Replace the word
spread
 of the
globalisation
Use synonyms
 dynamics is often a cause of discomfort for quite a few societies.
Although
Linking Words
globalisation
Use synonyms
 is perceived as an unavoidable phenomenon and it may bring some positive outputs, I believe that its disadvantages far outweigh its perks
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it indeed contributes to a loss of cultural identity for nations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your main view is clear: you agree that globalisation can harm cultural identity. To make the answer stronger, keep every main point closely linked to culture. The second body part moves too far into crime, jobs, and social problems. Explain more clearly how mass migration may change language, customs, family life, or local events.
task response
Give a more balanced answer to the words “total loss”. You say culture may be lost, but your own ideas show change rather than complete loss. You could say that globalisation can weaken some local customs, while many people still keep their food, language, and traditions.
task response
Use examples that directly prove the point. The McDonald’s example is useful, but explain how local food is replaced or becomes less common. In the Spain example, avoid broad claims about a group of people and crime. A safer example is that new groups may use a different language or bring new food and shops.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. However, the first line of body two, “On the other hand,” is not suitable because it does not show an opposite idea. Use “Another reason is” or “In addition” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas more direct. In body one, move from global trade to foreign firms, then to new food habits, and finally to the effect on local food. This will make the paragraph easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer long sentences with many ideas. For example, split ideas about immigrants, work, and social change into short sentences. This will help the reader see your main point.
task response
You answer the question directly and state your view in both the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You give two clear reasons and include examples, especially the example about global food firms and local eating habits.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall shape: introduction, two main body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Moreover”, “For instance”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: