IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people who are been in person become good citizens later, and it is of often agreed that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangerous of committing a crime. Extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
some
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Some
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people
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 believe that
peopple
Correct your spelling
people
 who have been in prison and later become good citizens are the best
people
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 to talk to
teenagers
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 about the dangers of
commiting
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committing
 crimes.
i
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I
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 partly agree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because former prisoners can share
real life
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real-life
 experiences,
although
Linking Words
 other
people
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 can
also
Linking Words
 provide valuable advice.
Body paragraph 1
first
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First
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 of all, former prisoners can give
teenagers
Use synonyms
 a realistic understanding of the consequences of
crime
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.
unlike
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Unlike
show examples
people
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 who have never experienced imprisonment, they can explain what actually happens after
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 a serious
crime
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.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize the word
For
show examples
 example, they can talk about losing their freedom, being
seperated
Correct your spelling
separated
 from their families, and having difficulties finding employment after leaving prison.
hearing
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Hearing
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 these experiences directly may
emcourage
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encourage
teenagers
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 to think more carefully about their decisions and understand that
crime
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 can have serious long term cosequences.
Conclusion
Linking Words
however
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However
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,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 do not believe that former prisoners are always the best
people
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 to educate
teenagers
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 about
crime
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.
some
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Some
show examples
teenagers
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 may not take their advice seriously,
especialy
Correct your spelling
especially
 if they consider former criminals to be better prepared to explain why
people
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 commit crimes and how young
people
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 can avoid becoming involved in criminal activities.
they
Capitalize the word
They
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 provide guidance about peer pressure, emotional problems, and making responsible decisions.

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task response
Your view is clear: you partly agree. You give one reason for former prisoners and one reason for other people. However, the last body part ends in the middle of an idea, so the answer does not fully finish the task.
task response
Add a short final paragraph. Restate that former prisoners can help because they know the real cost of crime, but teachers, parents, and police can also help young people make good choices.
task response
Develop the second main point more. Explain why teachers, parents, or police may be trusted more, and give one clear example of how they can help a teenager deal with peer pressure or family problems.
task response
Be careful with the phrase “the best people”. Your answer says former prisoners are useful but not always the best. Make this point very clear again in the final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a good order: introduction, one point in support, then one point against. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear topic sentence at the start of the second body paragraph. For example: “On the other hand, other adults may be better able to guide teenagers.” This will make the change of idea smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Finish the last sentence and paragraph. At present, “especially if they consider former criminals to be better prepared...” does not make full sense and breaks the flow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “First of all” and “However” work well. You could also use “For this reason” before the example and “In conclusion” for the final paragraph.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and state your own view from the start.
task response
The examples of lost freedom, time away from family, and trouble finding work are real and useful details.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph stays mostly on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph moves in a clear way from the main point to an example and then to its effect on teenagers.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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