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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that technological advancements have made traditional skills and methods obsolete, while others argue that these skills are still valuable. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
One group of
people
Use synonyms
 suppose that new
technologies
Use synonyms
replaced
Verb problem
have replaced
show examples
 the old traditional skills and hand technics
however
Linking Words
 other group of
people
Use synonyms
 think that we should keep humanity and human's simple skills.
Body paragraph 1
Today the World is new
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 humanity
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 created many
technologies
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, there
many
Verb problem
are many
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aplliances that have replaced many human's
Correct word order
appliances that have replaced many human
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 activities. The
World habitants
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world inhabitants
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 don'
t
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 need to wash dishes, make fire for cooking or bring water from the river
to
Change preposition
apply
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home because of the amenities in
houses
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, nowadays there are new cars and planes
which goes
Correct subject-verb agreement
that go
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 without driver's control.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 the largest proportion of
people
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 believe that we don'
t
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 have to learn how to make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
simple things like make a fire with rocks and build a house with
hands
Correct determiner usage
our hands
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 from trees.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 it's not totally true because we can'
t
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 know what
happens
Wrong verb form
will happen
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 tomorrow and what kind of situations
will
Correct pronoun usage
we will
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be faced by us
Verb problem
face
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.
Body paragraph 2
That's why the other group of
people
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who believe
Correct subject-verb agreement
believes
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 that our natural instinctive skills should be saved and developed by
people
Use synonyms
. Today
there
Punctuation problem
, there
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 are many countries which war
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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Linking Words
also
Rephrase
apply
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we cannot say
about
Rephrase
anything about
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the nature
Replace the word
natural
 disasters.
For instance
Linking Words
, the biggest Hurricane in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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North America
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is called
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Hurricane
Catherine
Punctuation problem
Catherine,
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 has ruined many cities
and
Punctuation problem
,
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houses
Use synonyms
,
farms
Correct word choice
and farms
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.
According to
Linking Words
 that
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people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 had to build handmade mini
houses
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 by themselves and make some fire for warming before the given safety aids from the government.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, today still
exists
Correct subject-verb agreement
exist
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 the old tribes with the natural habits in jungles with no internet connection
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they
alive
Wrong verb form
live
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 thanks to their natural instincts
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
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people
Use synonyms
 on continents live with
technologies
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 and with no
knowledges
Check wording
knowledge
show examples
 about real lives with no amenities and appliances.
Technologies
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 are good, thanks to
technologies
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 we have developed medicine
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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surgeon
Replace the word
surgery,
 and we can build
houses
Use synonyms
 with many flats in 2-3 weeks. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, what will we do if there aren'
t
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 any of these things? How can we save our lives in the natural habitats
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples

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task response
Discuss both sides more fully. Explain why some people think old skills are no longer needed, and why others think they still matter. Then give your own clear view in the last paragraph.
task response
Your main idea is clear: technology makes life easier, but basic skills can save people in hard times. Add one more clear reason for each side, such as cost, jobs, safety, or life in places without power.
task response
Use examples with care. The storm example helps, but give the correct name and explain exactly how old skills helped people after the storm.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, first view, second view, and conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a clear main sentence. For example: “Many people think traditional skills are less useful because technology does these tasks faster.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make your conclusion direct. State that technology is helpful, but people should still learn basic skills such as making fire, finding water, and building simple shelter.
task response
You answer both views and show a clear idea that basic skills are still important in hard times.
task response
The example of a major storm is relevant because it shows a time when people may need to live without normal help.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has separate paragraphs for the two views, which helps the reader follow your main points.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “Moreover”, “Therefore”, “For instance”, and “Overall”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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