IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think citites are the best place tolive.Other prefer to live in the countryside.Discuss both of view and give your opinion

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Introduction
A group of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that living in the urban
areas
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
better
Punctuation problem
better,
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 whilst others think that rural is better.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both of these 2 point of views and my opinion will be stated
at the end
Linking Words
 of the conclusion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are tons of advantages in living in the
cities
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 to rural
areas
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, one of the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 is the number of facilities available there.
For example
Linking Words
, hospitals and schools. Having a life
Body paragraph 2
in
Capitalize the word
In
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 the
cities
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 would help the society to get medical assistance quickly when they are
unwell
Punctuation problem
unwell,
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 before severe deseases starting to appear when they are not treated as soon as possible.
In addition
Linking Words
, schools and universities are widely available in the big
cities
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; children and teenagers would be able to gain
appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
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 amount of education so that it would help them to prepare for their future life.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
people
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 choose to live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cities
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more
Correct word choice
rather
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 than rural
areas
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 because there are more facilities available that can help their everyday
live
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Body paragraph 3
On the other
side
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hand
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, living in the countryside would help
people
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 to gain peace since it is not as busy as the big
cities
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. To illustrate, those who live in rural
areas
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 tend to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better emotional and stress
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 since the views and environment are
quite
Correct word choice
quieter
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there are
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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people
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 to feel pressured when they live far from the busy environment.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
cities
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 are better for everyday life since they have a lot of facilities that would help
people
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everyday
Replace the word
every day
. Based on what
mentioned
Verb problem
was mentioned
show examples
 earlier, having hospitals and schools nearby determine a healthy environment so that children are able to gain
knowledges
Check wording
knowledge
show examples
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 whilst sick
people
Use synonyms
 would be able to be treated immediately.

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task response
Discuss both places in the same amount of detail. The city part is much longer than the country part. Add more about country life, such as clean air, less noise, more space, or a close community.
task response
Make your own view clear in the introduction and support it in the body. You say cities are better at the end, but explain more fully why city benefits are more important than country peace.
task response
Use clearer examples. For example, describe a sick person who can reach a city hospital fast, or a family in the country who enjoys a calm and safe life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but give each body part one main idea and explain it fully.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “To begin with”, “For example”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion” help the reader. Add “However” or “On the other hand” to show the change to the country view.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences. For example, split the sentence about medical help into two short sentences. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for the two places: “cities” and “the countryside”. Do not switch too often between “urban areas”, “big cities”, “rural”, and “rural areas”.
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give your own view clearly in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, a paragraph about cities, a paragraph about the countryside, and a conclusion.
task response
The ideas about hospitals, schools, peace, and stress are relevant to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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