IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Now many physical retail stores (such as clothing stores) are being replaced by online shops. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
In modern times, online sales are replacing the presential sales, because
Correct article usage
the
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internet and online
bussines
Correct your spelling
businesses
 offer
incresingly
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increasingly
security
Use synonyms
 when making a purchase
,
Punctuation problem
.
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Although
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 some argue that online shops could be
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
, I believe that
Correct article usage
the
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possibility to
obtein
Correct your spelling
obtain
products
Use synonyms
o
Correct your spelling
or
 services
a
Change preposition
with
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 only a click is a great benefit, considering that online
shop
Check wording
shops
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 mean
save
Replace the word
saving
 time and risks,
additionally
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allow
Wrong verb form
allowing
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 to be able to compare prices.
Body paragraph 1
First, online
market
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markets
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 offer
a
Correct article usage
apply
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huge advantages,
it
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apply
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not only
does allow
Wrong verb form
allowing users to
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 look for
products
Use synonyms
amoung a
Correct your spelling
among
 several
products
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, even internationally, but
it
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apply
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also
Linking Words
allows
Wrong verb form
allowing users to
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 save money
,
Punctuation problem
. For
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for example
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 a entrepreneur can use online shops,
such
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 as Aliexpress
to
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, to
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 buy
a
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apply
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new a innovators
products
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 and
search the
Verb problem
achieve
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 major convenience
, it
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. It
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 is a tool that our ancestors couldn't even dream of
it
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apply
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.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 the companies are developing more
security
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throuht
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through
the
antuviral
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antiviral
 programs and fight agains cybercrime.
Body paragraph 2
On the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 some people could think that if they buy in
mall
Correct article usage
a mall
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o
Correct your spelling
or
 traditional shops, it would be more
sucurity
Correct your spelling
secure
,
also
Linking Words
 they could enjoy the purchase,
for instance
Linking Words
 a elderly couple would want to go mall and window shop,
while
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feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
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 that the purchase is better and
Use synonyms
security because
Replace the word
more secure
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some people
preffer
Correct your spelling
prefer
 traditional purchases,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 argue that online shopping is a great advantage, allow save comaring prices and
obtaing
Correct your spelling
obtaining
 new
products
Use synonyms
o
Correct your spelling
or
 services, a
a
Replace the word
secure
security
Use synonyms
 way
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I hope that in the future online
shooping
Correct your spelling
shopping
 will be more
Use synonyms
security
Replace the word
secure
.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. Say that this is a positive change, then keep this view in every main part.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say how online shops save time, how price checks help buyers, and why this is better than going to many shops.
task response
Your other side is too short and ends without a full point. Explain why some people like shops, then say why online buying is still better overall.
task response
Use more clear examples. The AliExpress example is useful, but explain what the business owner buys and how this helps the business.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear plan: first part with your view, one main part about good points, one main part about the other view, and a short final part.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with one clear point. For example: 'One main benefit is that online shopping saves time.' Then add reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'In conclusion'. Do not put many ideas in one very long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete. The sentence about the older couple stops at 'because', so the reader does not get the full idea.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view that online shopping is helpful.
task response
You give relevant ideas, such as saving time, checking prices, buying from other countries, and safer online payment.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear first part, two main parts, and a final part.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as 'First', 'Additionally', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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