IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Certain people in numerous countries believe that
,
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apply
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 the financial
budget
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 should be spent on
,
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 building new
railway
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lines
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 for advanced superfast trains,
while
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 others support
to
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the idea of upgrading the existing public transport.
While
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 investing in new
railway
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 construction is a positive way to promote
economy
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the economy
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, and upgrade inter-city
trasportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 to save time, I opine that
,
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 updating the already working transportation
system
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,
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 is a better option to economically use
tax-payer's
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taxpayers'
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 money.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, some parts of
public
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the public
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beleive
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believe
 that
government
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the government
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budget
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 being used for building new rail-transporation
lines
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, and bullet trains will be a significant improvement to the transportation
system
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. Introduction of
quick- bullet
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quick-bullet
 trains will not only improve the technological infrastructure, but
also
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,
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 reduce commute time, transport-cost and increase trading efficiency.
Eventhough
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Even though
,
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 building new
railway
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lines
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 will give us access to remote and new destinations, it is
also
Linking Words
 immensely expensive to spread new
railway
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lines
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, build stations and
acheive
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achieve
 accurate geographical planning.
Moreover
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,
this
Linking Words
 improvement makes the old transportation structures obsolete and
transition
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makes the transition
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 to
new
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the new
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system
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 difficult for the public.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
certain
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a certain
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 part of the community feels that improving the current
railway
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system
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,
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apply
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 will support
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
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 stability of the government and be a positive development for the economy. Upgrading the current
railway
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system
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,
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 will not only improve the technological advancement, time management, and trade economy, but
also
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, there would be no infrastructural-resource waste, can
aquire
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acquire
 more upgradation for
same
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the same
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 financial
budget
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 and lower public inconvenience.
For example
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, a few helpdesks arranged in
railway
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 stations to assist travellers in familiarising with the
system
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 is enough,
whereas
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, for building a new station, goverment will have to spend money for other related services too, like parking, washrooms and new control rooms.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
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although
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 new
railway
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lines
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 will provide us
better
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with better
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 geographical reach, technological advancement and quick travel,
by
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apply
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upgrading the existing
system
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 can
also
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 give us
same
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the same
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 result for less financial
budget
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 with less inconvenience to
public
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the public
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, because of which I believe that
upgradation of
Replace the word
upgrading
 the existing
railway
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system
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 is a better option for
a
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apply
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positive development.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why fast trains may help trade and why old public transport can give the same gains at lower cost.
task response
Some ideas need more care. For example, new fast train lines may cut travel time, but they do not always cut travel cost. Show why this may be true, or use a safer point such as faster trips between large cities.
task response
Your example about help desks and a new station is useful, but it is small. Add one clear real-life type of case, such as old city rail lines with more trains, better signs, and safer stations helping many daily users.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one view, the other view, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the first line of each body part state its main point in a more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer commas. Many sentences are too long and have commas where they are not needed. Split long ideas into two short sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “However”, “Also”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Do not repeat “not only ... but also” too often, as this makes the writing sound less smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph more direct. State your choice first, then give the two main reasons: lower cost and less change for the public.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show the good points of new rail lines, the good points of better old transport, and your own choice.
task response
Your main view stays the same from the opening to the ending: money should mainly go to the public transport that already exists.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has a clear focus, and the move from one view to the other is easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
The example of extra costs for a new station, such as parking and washrooms, helps make your point more real.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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