IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Terrorist activities are increasing all across the globe. Thousands of people lose their life because of terrorist attacks every year. What do you think are the reasons for the rising terrorism? How does it affect people of the world?

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Introduction
Overrall
Correct your spelling
Overall
, a significant
insecurity rise up
Correct word order
rise in insecurity is happening
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 nowadays around the world. Several murders are registered because of those
gangs
Check wording
gang
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 activities. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I am going to share my thoughts about possible reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 the population being
attack
Wrong verb form
attacked
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 by
terrorist
Check wording
terrorists
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.
Body paragraph 1
Primarly possible reason is drugs
,
Punctuation problem
;
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Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
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 substance users always have some type of
behaviors
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behaviour
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because of addiction. Intoxication
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 usually happens later and
most
Verb problem
is most
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 likely harmful
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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it
Verb problem
it's
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 already too late.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 they like the drug effect
that's
Punctuation problem
, that's
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 why they go after the provider.
Most of the
Change preposition
In most
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 countries,
those substance
Fix the agreement mistake
these substances
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 are illegal.
Body paragraph 2
secondly
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 reason is
money
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 getting
money
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 to afford your bills is not an issue.
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However
Punctuation problem
However,
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 lazy people need an easy way and
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 way to get
money
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the start
terrorise
Verb problem
to terrorise
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 the population.
This
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 is the situation of my country now, kidnapping is the number one
of
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activity of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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gangs
activities
Check wording
apply
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.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, terrorism attack around the world are increasing recently, I strongly believe that
,
Correct determiner usage
the
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 two main reasons are drugs and
money
Use synonyms
. even though both have a close relationship
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 exchange by example. On the
hand
Correct determiner usage
one hand
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, because of substance abuse and addiction, folk is terrorise.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, criminals are using their power over innocent citizens to
steel
Use the right word
steal
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 their property.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question. Your essay gives reasons, but it does not clearly explain how terrorism affects people around the world. Add a full body paragraph about fear, loss of life, less travel, and damage to work and daily life.
task response
Use reasons that are more closely linked to terrorism. Drugs and money can be part of crime, but explain how groups use money, fear, or strong beliefs to plan attacks.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear cause and result. For example, say how drug trade gives gangs money, and how this money can be used to buy weapons or pay people.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph on reasons, one paragraph on effects, and conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. Do not move between drugs, addiction, crime, and terrorism too quickly.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a clear way: First, Second, As a result, For example, and In conclusion. Make sure each link shows the right idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make your conclusion short and clear. Repeat the two main reasons and the main effects, rather than adding new or unclear ideas.
task response
You give two clear reasons: drugs and money. The example of kidnapping in your country makes the topic feel real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion. Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “However”, and “Therefore” help show the order of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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