IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

•It is thought by some that it is better to live in a city while others believe that life is beer in the countryside. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Living in both
cities
Use synonyms
 and countrysides have merits and drawbacks.
While
Linking Words
 a proportion of individuals believe that it is superior to reside in a city, an opposing argument considers the countryside a better place to live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives and present my own opinion. Which favors the lifestyle of
cities
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
Linking Words
, proponents of
stabilizing
Change the spelling
stabilising
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 in a small town point out that it is calmer and more convenient than residing in a city, because
cities
Use synonyms
 have
a more
Correct word choice
higher
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 population density and traffic congestion,
due to
Linking Words
 various corporations operating from
their
Use the right word
there
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,
hence
Linking Words
 more workers move there. Cost of living in countrysides are substantially less than
big
Change preposition
in big
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cities
Use synonyms
;
this
Linking Words
 includes the prices of goods, services, and accommodations.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent study from the Department of Real Estate Studies at Oxford University revealed that the price
purchasing
Change preposition
of purchasing
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 a 4-bedroom house in Liverpool is equal to buying a 2-bedroom apartment in Northern London.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, job opportunities in large urban areas\ are notably higher than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
 areas
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the quality of occupations
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
also
Linking Words
 better,
such
Linking Words
 as the financial, healthcare, and technical jobs.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the purchasing power is stronger
due to
Linking Words
 the
dense
Replace the word
density
 of wealthy businessmen and executives.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is favourable for retailers and business owners to move to big
cities
Use synonyms
 in order to scale and generate greater revenue. A clear example of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in corporations' annual budgets reported from the Capital Market Authority, where the net profit in large
cities
Use synonyms
' branches
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 approximately 22 per cent higher than countrysides.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 living in the countryside can provide a more stable and
quiet
Correct word choice
quieter
show examples
 lifestyle. I hold the view that living in a city gives more
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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, business, and educational opportunities.

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Task response
Discuss both places in a more even way. The town paragraph has clear points about cost and calm life, but the city paragraph should also explain why city life is better for daily life, not only for work and business.
Task response
Make your own view clear in the introduction and keep it the same in the conclusion. You support city life, so say this directly at the start.
Task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and result. For example, explain how more jobs in cities can help young people build a career and earn more money.
Task response
Be careful with facts and examples. The Liverpool and London house example is useful, but it should be written in a clearer way. The example about company profit feels less linked to the question about where people should live.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer paragraph plan: introduction, countryside view, city view, your opinion, and conclusion. At present, your opinion appears in the introduction, then again only at the end.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one simple main idea. For example: 'Life in the countryside is often cheaper and calmer.' Then give reasons and an example.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links are not complete or do not fit. 'Which favors the lifestyle of cities' is a sentence part, not a full sentence. Remove it or write: 'I believe city life is better overall.'
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. 'Initially' and 'On the other hand' are helpful, but avoid long sentences with too many ideas joined by commas. Split them into shorter sentences.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep words the same when you compare ideas. Use 'the countryside' or 'rural areas' throughout, rather than changing between 'countrysides,' 'small town,' and 'rural areas.'
Task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss city life, countryside life, and give your own view.
Task response
Your main ideas are relevant. Lower costs and a quiet life support the countryside view, while jobs and business chances support the city view.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some useful signposts, such as 'On the other hand,' 'For instance,' and 'In conclusion.'
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