IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
In some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 university
students
Use synonyms
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 to live with their families
while
Linking Words
 they are studying,
whereas
Linking Words
 in other
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
students
Use synonyms
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 to attend university in another city or country.
Body paragraph 1
I think
this
Linking Words
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some advantages and disadvantages, on one hand, going
aboard
Use the right word
abroad
show examples
 can help them focus on their studies, from my personal
Use synonyms
experience
Punctuation problem
experience,
show examples
 I have
noisy
Correct article usage
a noisy
show examples
 family which can affect my focus
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 with guests. Living alone can develop some responsibilities,
for example
Linking Words
, paying your bills, rent, transport, and food
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can help you over the years. For some
students
Use synonyms
 which usually
early
Change preposition
in their early
show examples
twenties
Punctuation problem
twenties,
show examples
 they have the energy to go with that
Use synonyms
experience
Punctuation problem
experience,
show examples
 just as traveling and we should not suppress
this
Linking Words
 energy
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can lead to drugs, alcohol and cannabis
for
Punctuation problem
. For
show examples
 that reason
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 can get addicted to these substances
and lead
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to lower grades and possibly death.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
students
Use synonyms
 rely heavily on their parents
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 when they go to another
city
Punctuation problem
city,
show examples
 they feel lost, hopeless, and depressed.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some people get homesick
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 involves missing one's home, memories, family and friends.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
students
Use synonyms
 do not plan what area of the city
will they
Correct word order
they will
show examples
 go
or
Change preposition
to, or
show examples
 they
did
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not search enough for the safety of the area,
for example
Linking Words
, getting robbed, stabbed and death as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 walking
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the wrong street.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, I think they can learn a lot from
this
Linking Words
experience
Use synonyms
 and if they want to get a better education.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
experience
Use synonyms
 can
they learn from
Verb problem
teach them
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
, rent and managing your money, it has some strong disadvantages and
end their life or become an addict
Correct word order
can end their life or lead to addiction
show examples
.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph. Say if the good points are more important than the bad points, and keep this view to the end.
task response
Explain why living away helps study and grows life skills. Then explain why the bad points do not change your main view.
task response
Some ideas are too strong and not well shown, such as drugs, death, and being stabbed. Use more common and likely points, such as high cost, stress, homesickness, and less family help.
task response
The last main paragraph is not complete. Finish the idea: students can learn a lot from living away, and explain why this is more important than the risks.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an example and a short link back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'As a result'. Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match your view. It now says the bad points are very serious, but it does not clearly say whether the good points are still greater.
task response
You include both sides of the topic and give a personal example about noise at home.
task response
You give useful good points, such as better focus and learning to pay for rent, food, and travel.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some clear linking words, such as 'On the other hand', 'Additionally', and 'In conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
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