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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be a good member of the society. However, Other believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both the view and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Some individual belive that
parents
Use synonyms
 should educate their
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
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member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some other people think that
school
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 is
far
Correct article usage
a far
show examples
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
better place to learn
this
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay
contain
Correct subject-verb agreement
contains
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 both the views with relevant
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
, with my point of view.
Body paragraph 1
On the
first
Correct determiner usage
one
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 hand,
parents
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 should teach their
child
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 how to be a good
member
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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, as they have more experience
then
Linking Words
teacher
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they can teach their children in
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 practical
manner
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, which help that
student
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 to learn very easily.
For example
Linking Words
, many
parents
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 teach their
Use synonyms
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
 in pratical
manner
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, so that they
how
Verb problem
know how
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 to be a good
member
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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, because of
this
Linking Words
children
Punctuation problem
, children
show examples
 can learn very easily and help them to be motivated.
Moreover
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, it is
quiet
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quite
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 expensive for some
parents
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send
Verb problem
to send
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 their
child
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 to
school
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, so they teach their children
by
Change preposition
on
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 their own.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, teaching
students
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 to be a good
member
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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 from
Use synonyms
school
Correct article usage
a school
show examples
teacher
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 is
far
Correct article usage
a far
show examples
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
better option, as
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 give their all the
time
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 to their
students
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,
while
Linking Words
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
 are busy
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they can not give
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
most of
the
Check wording
their time
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 to their
child
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
teacher
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 teach their
students
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 in
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 proper way and i more
theortical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 way, so that
students
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 can learn in
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
appropiate
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appropriate
manner
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, if a
student
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 faces any problem
teacher
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 are there to solve that problem and
also
Linking Words
 give
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most of their
time
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 to that
student
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.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion,
School
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 is
more
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 better option to teach their
student
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 about how to be a good
member
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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, as
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 give most of their
time
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 to
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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,
while
Linking Words
parents
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 do not have that much
time
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Punctuation problem
,
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and
school
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 teaches
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its students
show examples
student
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 in
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 proper
manner
Use synonyms
, so that
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can learn very easily.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 learning from
parents
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some benefits
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 think
school
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 is
far
Correct article usage
a far
show examples
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
better place to learn because of giving more
time
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
students problem
Check wording
students' problems
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 teach their
students
Use synonyms
 in
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
theriotical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
 and
pratical
Correct your spelling
practical
manner
Use synonyms
,which help that
student
Use synonyms
 to learn very easily.

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task response
You discuss both parents and schools, and you give your own view. However, your main ideas need more clear support. Explain exactly how parents teach good behavior at home, and how schools teach it with rules, group work, and class life.
task response
Your examples are too general. Instead of saying “many parents” or “many teachers”, give one clear example. For example, parents can teach a child to share and help old people; schools can teach pupils to work with children from many homes.
task response
Avoid repeating that teachers give more time. Add a new reason for your view, such as schools helping children learn to follow rules and respect people who are different from them.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, parents, schools, your view, and end. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one main point only.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and joined with many commas. Use shorter sentences. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Do not start a sentence with “While” in the first paragraph. Try clear links such as “First”, “Also”, “In contrast”, “For this reason”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the point of view in the introduction more direct. State that both parents and schools have a role, but schools are better for this purpose because children learn with others and follow shared rules.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you write about both views and clearly state your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph order is easy to see, and you include both an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful links, such as “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “Furthermore”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • moral values
  • social norms
  • structured environment
  • cooperation
  • respect
  • communal responsibilities
  • decision-making
  • societal integration
  • consistent messages
  • cultural expectations
  • complementary roles
What to do next:
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