IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People produce more garbage than in the past. Explain how it is affecting us and the measures that could be taken to address the situation.

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Introduction
In modern times, the community produces more garbage compared to old times.
As a result
Linking Words
, we live in a
place more polluted
Correct word order
more polluted place
show examples
. It is affecting the nature, animal and
as
Rephrase
so
show examples
 too.
This
Linking Words
 issue could
solve
Wrong verb form
be solved by
show examples
 implementing
mesures
Correct your spelling
measures
 that decreasing overal cunsuption and increase recycling and reusing trash.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 have more facilities to buy all kinds of products than in the
pass
Use the right word
past
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
increasingly at a younger age we could have a credit card,
also
Linking Words
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to obtain products more
affordables
Replace the word
affordably
 from large commercial platforms,
sush
Correct your spelling
such
 as
Alliexpless
Correct your spelling
Aliexpress
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 buy more than before, even things that they do not need.
Furthermore
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
many
people
Use synonyms
 with online shopping, they buy more prepared food ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 requires
packaing
Correct your spelling
packaging
, producing more garbage.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 issue is affecting almost every
parts
Fix the agreement mistake
part
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 of the world
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 If citizens consume more products, they will produce more waste.
This
Linking Words
 is polluting rivers, oceans, forests and deserts and damaging animals and humans.
Therefore
Linking Words
, animals and insects are becoming extinct.
For instance
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, in
Atacama
Correct article usage
the Atacama
show examples
desert
Capitalize the proper name
Desert
show examples
, in Chile,
hundred
Fix the agreement mistake
hundreds
show examples
 of tons from all over the
word
Use the right word
world
show examples
 are
discarted
Correct your spelling
discarded
 at that location.
As a result
Linking Words
, there are few specimens of the typical fox. Governments and companies should work together to
decrese cunsumtion
Correct your spelling
decrease consumption
 and regulate the
managment
Correct your spelling
management
 of waste, to have more sustainable cities.
Conclusion
In conclusion, we are living in a world that consumes more than we need, so we should know how
make
Verb problem
to make
show examples
 less mess,
throuth
Correct your spelling
through
 education in recycling and reuse.
Finally
Linking Words
, become aware of how much we buy.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more full way. Show the effects on people, animals, land, water, and health. Then give clear steps for people, firms, and the state.
task response
Make each main idea clear and add one short reason or fact. For example, say how waste in rivers can harm fish and then harm people who eat them.
task response
Your Chile example is useful, but explain it more. Say what kind of waste is put there and why this can hurt the fox.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. The first body part talks about why people buy more, but the task asks mainly about effects and ways to fix the problem. Move this idea to a short cause sentence or change the part to focus on effects.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the plan: “One effect is...”, “Another effect is...”, “To deal with this...”, and “For this reason...”. Do not use “On the other hand” when you are not giving an opposite idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end more direct. Restate the two main parts: more waste harms nature and people, and less buying, reuse, and recycling can help.
task response
You talk about both the harm from waste and ways to deal with it, such as less buying, recycling, and reuse.
task response
The example of waste in Chile gives the essay a real place and helps show harm to animals.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “For example”, “As a result”, “Furthermore”, and “Therefore”.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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