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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that it is possible to tell a lot about a person’s culture and character from their choices of clothes. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is an undeniable fact that a
person
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's way of presenting themselves explains
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 about them. Nowadays, it is an ongoing debate in
general
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the general
show examples
 public whether a
person
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's
character
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 and culture should depend on their apparel choices or not. In my opinion,
i
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I
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 believe that a
person
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's
character
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 and culture can not be judged through the
clothes
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 they put on their bodies because
character
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 is depicted from
one
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's actions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 cultural appearances are not very popular on
daily
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a daily
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 basis these days.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, judging
one
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's
character
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 from the choice of their
clothes
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 is not appropriate because it is
one
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's choice of actions that explains what kind of
person
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 they are.
For example
Linking Words
, if a
person
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 is wearing
a
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apply
show examples
specific work
clothes
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 that can be considered plain and boring
but
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, but
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 they save someone's life
while
Linking Words
 wearing them, they will not be thought of as low grade because of their
clothes
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,
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; instead,
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instead
Linking Words
 they will be appreciated for their bravery.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is very important to look at
one
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's
doings
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actions
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 before judging them from
apparel
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their apparel
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, cultural representation is popularly shown through outfits
but
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, but
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 since everyone has a busy lifestyle these days, that doesn't really
happens
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happen
show examples
.
For example
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, not many people prefer to wear culturally appropriate
attires
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attire
show examples
 on
everyday
Correct article usage
an everyday
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 basis
,
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; instead,
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instead
Linking Words
 they like to wear something
that is
Linking Words
 comfortable and supportive
to
Change preposition
for
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 their daily activities.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is usual to show cultural outfits occasionally
but
Correct word choice
,
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 not a reason enough to pass a
cultural
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culturally
 based
judgement
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judgment
. So, it is not really logical to depict someone's culture from their wardrobe choices.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that
one
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 must not judge somebody's
character
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 and cultural background from their dressing style. A
person
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's
character
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say
Correct subject-verb agreement
says
show examples
 so much about themselves
and
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, and
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 it is very disrespectful to judge that through pieces of
clothes
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and to
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. To
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 avoid being rude about someone's background , it is always sensible
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
make
Verb problem
to make
show examples
 any assumptions about it through their appearances.

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task response
Your view is clear: clothes should not be used to judge a person. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully that clothes can sometimes give small signs about culture or work, but they cannot show the whole person.
task response
Your first example has a good idea, but it is not very close to the main point. A person saving a life shows good action, yet it does not clearly show why their clothes tell us little about character. Use an example where two people wear the same clothes but act in very different ways.
task response
In the culture paragraph, give a more clear real-life case. For example, people may wear jeans or work clothes each day, while they show cultural dress at a family event or festival. This would make your point easier to believe.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph on character, one on culture, and a conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the link between each main idea and the question more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and have too many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily. For example, say what clothes may show first, then say why this is not enough to judge a person.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. "Although" should not be followed by a comma in this way, and "On the other hand" is not the best link because both body paragraphs support the same view. Try "Also" or "In addition" instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentences more exact. Instead of saying cultural dress is not popular every day, state that daily clothing is often chosen for comfort or work, so it may not show a person's cultural background.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: character and culture. Your opinion stays the same from the start to the end.
task response
You give reasons for your view and include examples in both main paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each main paragraph has one clear focus.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives your position, and the conclusion returns to the same main idea.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal identity
  • Cultural background
  • Fashion trends
  • Societal norms
  • Non-verbal communication
  • Globalization
  • Social status
  • Conformity
  • Adaptability
  • Non-conformist
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