IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows Japan's poulation by age groups starting in 1960 and inclusing a forecast to 2040.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
the
Capitalize the word
The
show examples
 line graph illustrates the
demographic
Check wording
demographics
show examples
 of Japanese citizens from three different
age
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
groups over the
period
Use synonyms
 of
70-year
Check wording
70 years
show examples
 from 1960 to 2030
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
and an included prediction
Replace the word
including predicted
 data by 2040,with the figures measured in millions.
Overall
Linking Words
,there were upward trends in Japan’s population from
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
-64
group
Use synonyms
 and 65 plus
group
Use synonyms
,
wheares
Use the right word
whereas
show examples
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 selected in
0
Correct article usage
the 0
show examples
-14
group
Use synonyms
 in stark contrast to other
ages of
Check wording
age groups
show examples
group
Use synonyms
 during
this
Linking Words
 time frame. In terms of 1960,
people
Use synonyms
 aged 25 to 64 dominated the market,accounting for a staggering about 65,which was twentyfold the figure for the children aged 14 or under.Since 2010,the number of
people
Use synonyms
from the
Replace the word
aged
age
Use synonyms
 of 25 to 64
witnessed
Verb problem
has witnessed
show examples
 a gradual plunge before recovering in the following year. Regarding the elder
group
Use synonyms
,
it was recorded the smallest contribution
Correct word order
the smallest contribution was recorded
show examples
 among the
rest of
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 two
age
Use synonyms
 groups.Starting at approximately 4 in 1960 and
then
Linking Words
surpassed
Wrong verb form
surpassing
show examples
 the 25-64
group
Use synonyms
,allowing it to
made
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 up
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the second-largest population
age
Use synonyms
 beneath the
people
Use synonyms
 that over 65 years old throughout the
period
Use synonyms
 from 2010 to 2040.
By contrast
Linking Words
,the 0-14
aged
Replace the word
age
group
Use synonyms
 presented a divergent picture.There was a moderate decrease in the
Japanese’s populance
Correct your spelling
Japanese population
.
In addition
Linking Words
,it remarkably decreased from 30 to less than 10 during a
period
Use synonyms
 of 80 years,becoming the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 figure when compared to the youngest and oldest
assembles
Replace the word
assemblies
.
Desipte
Correct your spelling
Despite
 all groups of ages consistently climbed in general,the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
adult
Check wording
adults
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 accommodated in Japan shows a declining trend over the given
period
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, period, group, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: