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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows percentages of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The chart below shows percentages of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
the
Capitalize the word
The
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 two pie charts illustrate the proportions in consumption of
water
Use synonyms
 in five
sectors
Use synonyms
 in Sydney, Australia, between 1997 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the data
Check wording
apply
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it can be observed that in both years
food
Correct article usage
the food
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 industry represented the largest share in both years,
in contrast
Linking Words
 building industry
make
Wrong verb form
made
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 up the lowest proportion. Another noticeable feature is that three
sectors
Use synonyms
 were down in
comsuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 of
water
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 only two
sectors
Use synonyms
 has a opposite trend, rose the use of
water
Use synonyms
. To
beging
Correct your spelling
begin
 with, which
sectors
Use synonyms
 had
rose
Wrong verb form
risen
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 the use of
water
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
?
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 Food declined slightly, rose from 48% to 41%,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
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 by manofacturing made up at 15 % in 1997 and 11%,
finally
Linking Words
 Building fell the
comsuption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 even lower, reaching barely 2% in the
last
Linking Words
 year and
represeted
Correct your spelling
represented
 the point of lowest
consumer
Replace the word
consumption
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the two
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
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 with an upward trend were,
first
Punctuation problem
first,
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 Household increased almost double, from 13 % to 25% in 1997 and 2007 respectively,
in addition
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the
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service industry showed the same trend, went up only
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
from 19% to 21%,

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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, sectors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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