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Writing Samples
Band 5

Now women and men both have full time jobs. So logically they should do housework equally. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In contemporary society,
women
Use synonyms
 and
men
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both
Use synonyms
 have
full time
Correct your spelling
full-time
 jobs.So,
logically
Punctuation problem
logically,
show examples
 they should do housework equally.
This
Linking Words
 issue has attracted considerable attention in recent years. I strongly agree with
this
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 view, for the reasons outlined below.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason for my position is that there should be no discrimination between
the male
Check wording
males
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 and females
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both
Punctuation problem
; both
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 are equally important .
This
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 can be attributed to the fact that
women
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are
Wrong verb form
apply
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nowadays
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 so hard as compared to
men
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 .
For instance
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, ranging from healthcare and technology to agriculture, finance, and leadership
rolesConsequently
Punctuation problem
roles. Consequently
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,
Sharing
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sharing
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 household chores promotes fairness, reduces stress, and strengthens relationships. When
both
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men
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 and
women
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 contribute equally, it builds mutual respect, prevents resentment, and sets a positive example for children by breaking outdated gender roles.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a second significant consideration is that dividing up the home duties equally helps in improving the quality of relationships in the family . More specifically,
Linking Words
This
Fix capitalization
this
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 work requires collaboration, open communication, and understanding between each member, thereby fostering a sense of teamwork and mutual respect within a relationship.
For example
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, it
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 us to
built
Wrong verb form
build
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 good
relationship
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relationships
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 and equality between
both
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 genders .
This
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further
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 demonstrates why I agree with the statement.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I agree with the statement on the grounds that's
both
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men
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 and
women
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 have equivalent obligations in doing household tasks in order to build their family in a better way.
However
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, they could divide up these works flexibly
according to
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 their partner's health and
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
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 workload.
Overall
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, I maintain that
women
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 and
men
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 should
together
Verb problem
work together
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 in household work.

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task response
State your main view clearly, then explain it with two different reasons. Your first reason is about fairness, and your second reason is about family life. Make each reason more direct.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The list of jobs does not show how housework is shared. Give an example such as: one partner cooks while the other cleans or cares for the child.
task response
Explain your final point about flexible sharing more fully. Say that equal does not always mean the same task every day; it can mean a fair share based on work hours, health, and child care.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main paragraphs, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the link between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into short sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words in a natural way. For example: "First," "Also," "For example," and "As a result." Avoid putting link words together without a full sentence after them.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has one main idea. In the first body paragraph, focus only on fairness. In the second, focus only on better family life.
task response
You give a clear opinion from the start and keep the same view in the whole essay.
task response
You include useful ideas about fairness, less stress, respect, and a good example for children.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a clear order: opening, two reasons, and a closing paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion returns to the main question and adds the useful idea that work at home can be shared in a fair and flexible way.
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