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Band 5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Introduction
These days, a growing population is seeking help from
alternative
Use synonyms
 medicines and treatments rather than seeking help from their usual doctors. I view it as a negative development for several reasons.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss some of those in detail.
Body paragraph 1
Despite the
claims
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, these
alternative
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 options are largely unproven. A lot of these options have no
reseach
Correct your spelling
research
, which
back
Correct subject-verb agreement
backs
show examples
 their
claims
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. In many cases, there are non-existent case-control studies
or
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, or
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 if there are any, these are not reviewed by the scientific community.
Therefore
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, we don't know the veracity of their
claims
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. Another equally important aspect is that there are so many branches which come under the umbrella term of
alternative
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medicine
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. There is Chinese
medicine
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, Greek
medicine
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, Eastern
medicine
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 and
Homeopathic
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Homoeopathic
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medicine
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, yet there are no established regulatory agencies in most countries.
In other words
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, there are no safety protocols in place.
Body paragraph 2
If
alternative
Use synonyms
medicine
Use synonyms
 is not the magic solution,
then
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 why
Use synonyms
people are
Correct word order
are people
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 rushing for its help
.
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?
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 The answer to
this
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 question is not complicated. The number one reason is the negative propaganda against traditional healthcare, which has become a lot easier to propagate with
the
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apply
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social media. On these platforms, unqualified
people
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 spew totally unbased
claims
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 against effective and proven therapies. These same
people
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 propose public these 'safer alternatives'. These
people
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 prevented millions of common
people
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 from getting COVID vaccines and probably were indirectly responsible for
deaths
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the deaths
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 of at least
hundred
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a hundred
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of thousands
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thousand
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. The second reason is that the concept of 'incurable' does not exist in
this
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 alternate universe. When doctors tell someone that
your
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their
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 disease has progressed to an incurable stage, they are extremely vulnerable. They are desperate
and
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, and
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 these
alternate
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alternative
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medicine
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practioners
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practitioners
 take full advantage of it.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I view
people
Use synonyms
's trend of seeking
alternative
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 medicines and
treatment
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treatments
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 as a negative trend. They are unproven, have no checks and balances
and
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, and
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 governments have the responsibility to regulate
it
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them
show examples
.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you keep the same view to the end. To make the answer stronger, give one short real example for each main point, such as a person who delays care for a serious illness.
task response
Some claims are too broad. For example, saying that these people caused many deaths needs clear proof. Use safer words such as “may have led to” or explain why you think this.
task response
Your second body part mostly explains why people choose these treatments. Link it more clearly to why this trend is bad, for example by saying that fear and false hope can stop people from getting the care they need.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: your view, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the start of each body part show its main point more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Despite the claims” is not clear because it does not say whose claims you mean. Try “Although some people say these treatments work, many have not been tested well.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
The last line introduces a new point about what governments should do. Either explain this idea in a body part or keep the end focused only on your main reasons.
task response
You answer the question directly and give clear reasons why you see this as a bad change.
task response
The points about weak testing, lack of safety rules, and false hope are relevant and well chosen.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear purpose, and the final paragraph returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “Therefore”, “In other words”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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