Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals form dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
These days, a lot of various
species
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of animals are ceasing from existance. Some agree that it is the responsibility of people and governments to preserve the extincting
species
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,
whereas
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some believe that we should be prioritising more on solving matters that humans are currently facing. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both views and state my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
It is natural
,
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that some
species
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are bound to become extinct from earth by the law of Mother Nature,
while
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extinction is a natural process, current rates are far higher
due to
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human activity.
For example
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,
according to
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the red list of threatened
species
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in the red data book issued by the IUCN, elephants, squirrels, and lantern flowers are
also
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endangered
species
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. Those artificial resources are mainly created by human beings. More importantly, the primary reasons for these swift extinctions are the sudden climate changes, global warming, pollution and deforestation. To put it simply, we should reduce the use of harmful substances like plastic as much as possible, and rather than using one-time energy sources, we should shift to renewable energy.
Additionally
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, we should minimise cutting trees, so the unnecessary animal extinction can be stopped.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, proponents of prioritising human issues argue that governments face pressing challenges
such
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as poverty, unemployment, and inadequate healthcare. They believe limited funding should be allocated to solving these immediate problems rather than to wildlife conservation.
However
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, I believe that protecting
endandered
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endangered
species
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is equally critical, because biodiversity loss will ultimately exacerbate human problems in the long-term.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I think people should focus more on saving biodiversity, considering it as a problem of their own. In that way, we can protect both dying
species
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,
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and prevent a future problem
that is
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bound to occur
,
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if current actions of humans are continued.

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task response
Discuss both sides in the same depth. The first body part explains why animals die and how to stop this. It does not clearly show why some people think human problems should come first. Add a full paragraph for this view, with reasons such as food, homes, jobs, and health care.
task response
Make your own view clear from the start and support it with more than one reason. For example, say that nature helps people by giving clean air, water, food, and work. Then explain how the loss of animals can harm human life.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic and are correct. Squirrels are not usually seen as a main example of animals close to dying out, and a lantern flower is a plant, not an animal. Choose well-known animal examples, or give a general example about forest loss.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. However, the first body part has too many ideas: natural death, climate change, pollution, plastic, energy, and trees. Split these ideas or keep only the points that directly support your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For the first body part, begin with the reason to protect animals. For the second, begin with the reason to put human needs first. This will help the reader follow your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. For example: "Although some extinction is natural, human action has made it much faster." Then give causes and results in a clear order.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point in the end. Your last paragraph should briefly sum up both views and clearly restate why you think animal protection should be a main goal.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss animal protection, human problems, and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will do, and the conclusion gives a clear final view.
task response
The point that loss of many animals may cause more human problems later is relevant and useful.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "On the other hand", "However", and "In conclusion" help show the move between main ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • protect
  • save
  • care for
  • look after
  • animals
  • nature
  • life
  • wild
  • land
  • water
  • air
  • soil
  • money
  • cost
  • spend
  • plan
  • rule
  • law
  • government
  • country
  • people
  • jobs
  • work
  • health
  • education
  • poverty
  • problem
  • issue
  • future
  • now
  • day
  • time
  • effort
  • balance
  • both
  • one side
  • other side
  • I think
  • in my view
  • my opinion
  • because
  • so
  • first
  • second
  • also
  • but
  • or
  • how
  • why
  • can
  • should
  • may
  • help
  • use
  • keep
  • stay
  • lead
  • show
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