IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays
noticed
Wrong verb form
notice
show examples
 that the
people
Use synonyms
 they interact with
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 changed because of
technology
Use synonyms
. I think
this
Linking Words
 has become a negative thing
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
relationships
Use synonyms
 are hard to analyse with
technology
Use synonyms
 it made it even harder for
people
Use synonyms
 to understand each other.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, we need to understand why
relationships
Use synonyms
 have changed with
technology
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Some
people
Use synonyms
 see that we do not need
relationships
Use synonyms
 because they are addicted to chatting with artificial intelligence and even become a partner.
Moreover
Linking Words
, life has become faster with
technology
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
; people
show examples
 do not have the time for
relationships
Use synonyms
 because they are busy with work, family, and children.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 have developed social anxiety
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 my personal
experience
Punctuation problem
experience,
show examples
 can make my life harder either with socialising or food.
Body paragraph 2
Admittedly,
technology
Use synonyms
 has made communication easier,
for example
Linking Words
, getting a video call from anywhere
unlike
Punctuation problem
, unlike
show examples
 traditional home phone which are limited to voice
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 can help
relationships
Use synonyms
 remain,
for example
Linking Words
, moving to another country or
their
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 friend can still communicate and check on them using
technology
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 can help with communication in various ways,
for example
Linking Words
, texting and voice-messaging.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 convenience does not replace genuine connection, as constant messaging often produces shallow
relationships
Use synonyms
 rather than close ones
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Linking Words
While
Fix capitalization
while
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
 might argue that technologies have made our communication easier, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that it
made
Verb problem
has made
show examples
 it even harder and
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
 social anxiety
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
personally I
Correct word order
I personally
show examples
 agree with.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say that technology changes both the kind of people we know and how we stay in touch, but that you think the bad parts are stronger.
task response
Answer the first question more fully. Write about online friends, long-distance friends, work groups, and people who form close links with AI. Then explain how these are different from face-to-face friends and family.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and example. For example, explain how too much online chat can make people avoid real talks, and how video calls can help a family member who lives far away.
task response
Keep your main view the same from start to end. Your essay says the change is bad, but the middle paragraph gives strong good points. Explain why the bad points are still more important.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, one paragraph on how relationships change, one paragraph on good and bad results, and a conclusion. This will make the answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. The first body paragraph can focus on weaker real-life links; the second can focus on easier contact over distance.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with words such as 'First', 'For example', 'As a result', 'However', and 'In contrast'. Do not begin many sentences with 'Moreover' or 'Additionally'.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two or three short sentences, especially when you explain AI, work, and social fear.
task response
You give a clear personal view that technology can make real relationships harder.
task response
You include both sides: video calls and messages can help people stay in touch, while too much online contact may lead to shallow links.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples such as video calls, moving to another country, texting, and voice messages to support your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • technology
  • interact
  • relationships
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • online
  • face-to-face
  • friendships
  • romantic relationships
  • family dynamics
  • positive
  • negative
  • development
  • effects
  • formation
  • ease
  • impacts
  • communities
  • connect
  • interaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: