IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the percentage of households with diferent kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The graph illustrates the proportions of households with
washing
Correct article usage
a washing
show examples
machine
Use synonyms
, computer, phone,
internet
Use synonyms
 and
DVD
Use synonyms
player
Use synonyms
 in the United States between 1995 and 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
, all kinds of technology rose over time.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of washing
Use synonyms
machine
Check wording
machines
show examples
 was the largest over the
period
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and
DVD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 remained relatively low.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, washing
Use synonyms
machine
Check wording
machines
show examples
,
computer, phone
Correct word order
computers, phones,
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 were 60%, 40%, approximately 17% and 10% in 1995, respectively. They all observed an upward trend without any fluctuations and
finally
Linking Words
 reached 80%, 70%, 75% and 50%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
, individually.
Although
Linking Words
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of
DVD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Check wording
players
show examples
 decreased by around 10% at the beginning, it started to rise by 1999 and
finally
Linking Words
 reached 40%, which is 15% greater than in 1995.
Secondly
Linking Words
, washing
Use synonyms
machine
Check wording
machines
show examples
 accounted for a dominant share of households, which was 60% in 1995,
increased
Correct word choice
and increased
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 significantly by 20% by the end of the
period
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
percentages
Correct article usage
the percentages
show examples
 of
internet
Use synonyms
 and
DVD
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
 were noticeably 50% and 35% less at the beginning and 30% and 40% less
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
period
Use synonyms
 compared to
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of washing
Use synonyms
machine
Check wording
machines
show examples
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, finally".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words machine, internet, dvd, player, period with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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