IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
Advertisements in
sport
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sports
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 events
hace
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have
 become the norm nowadays. Some people think it is thanks to
this
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 sponsor that many of these
espectacles
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spectacles
 keep taking place,
while
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 others see it as a
potencial
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potentially
 bad influence. In
this
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 essay i will discuss both perspectives
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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i
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I
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 will give my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
In
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On
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 the one hand, getting a sponsorship is sometimes the only way that some
sport
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sports
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 associations have to continue existing. That financial help allows teams with economic struggles to
mantain
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maintain
 their facilities, buy
appropiate
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appropriate
 material and hire
qualificate
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qualified
 staff. Sometimes it goes far beyond by supporting individuals from
low income
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low-income
 families and problematic
enviroments
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environments
.
Overall
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, promoting sports can change not only a team
,
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apply
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 but a community.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, companies can use these events for their own interests regardless of the impact on these competitions. One good example could be when
Arabia
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the Arabian
 Saudi, one of the most important supporters of
football
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the football
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 league
organized
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, organised
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 a major event in
ther
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their
 territory, where players faced an unbearable heat.
Moreover
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, it is difficult to keep control
on
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of
show examples
 the type of advertisement in
such
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 popular competitions, a particularly problematic issue for the younger ones.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, I believe that economic support in some sports can be seen as a social service.
Nevertheless
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, it should be supervised to protect people and avoid abusive situations.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, so you answer all parts of the task. To make your view stronger, say more clearly why control is needed and who should control the sponsors.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: money can help teams and people, but ads can harm players and young people. Add one more clear detail for each side to make the ideas fuller.
task response
The example about a football event in Saudi Arabia is useful, but it is not fully clear. Explain what event you mean, why it was held there, and how the heat affected the players.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more correctly. Write “On the one hand” instead of “In the one hand”. You can also use “For example”, “As a result”, and “However” to show the link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or join several ideas at once. Split them into shorter sentences, especially in the second body paragraph, so the meaning is clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words when you can. For example, use “sports events” or “sports competitions” in a steady way, rather than changing between many words.
task response
You give a fair discussion of the good and bad sides of company support in sport.
task response
Your point that sport support can help low-income people and whole local areas is a strong and relevant idea.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear focus, and the ending gives your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the other hand”, “Moreover”, and “Nevertheless” help the reader follow your argument.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sponsorship
  • advertisement
  • financial support
  • sustainability
  • quality of sport
  • visibility
  • economic benefits
  • tourism
  • commercialization
  • athletic competition
  • corporate sponsorship
  • unhealthy lifestyle choices
  • disparity
  • endorsement opportunities
  • local communities
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