IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more pros to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disadvantages of living in a house compared with living in an apartment? give reasons for your answers and give relevant examples

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Introduction
Many individuals prefer to live in a
house
Use synonyms
more
Correct word choice
rather than
show examples
then
Linking Words
 live in an
apartment
Use synonyms
, but
in an
Change preposition
from a
show examples
 different
perspective
Punctuation problem
perspective,
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 others think
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in an
apartment
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 several benefits
than
Change preposition
over living in a
show examples
house
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to build my own life in a
house
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain the reason why in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, many
people
Use synonyms
 choose to live in an
apartment
Use synonyms
 because it is
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 and safe when there are so many
people
Use synonyms
 around them.
People
Use synonyms
 can
asked
Wrong verb form
ask
show examples
 for help when they are in a serious or
danger
Correct word choice
dangerous
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 situation.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 today have to work hard to earn more money to pay for their
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
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, and many families have to pay for their
children'
Check wording
children's
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 education, entertainment, food, clothes,... When they are going to
work
Punctuation problem
work,
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 they can ask the
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 to take care
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their child.
In addition
Linking Words
,
the way live
Replace the word
living
 in an
apartment
Use synonyms
 is the best choice for many families have kid,
it
Correct word choice
as it
show examples
can let
Verb problem
allows
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 them
focus
Verb problem
to focus
show examples
 on their work with a hundred
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On the
second
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, absolutely
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 live
dependent
Replace the word
independently
 in their own
house
Use synonyms
, they do not have to
scared
Verb problem
be scared
show examples
 that they will
borther
Correct your spelling
bother
 the
neighbor
Change the spelling
neighbour
show examples
 when they come home late. As follows, everyone
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to earn money, increase their salary to help them have a better environment. Many families want to let their child
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
have the best education and the environment. They do not want to let their child
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lack
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
confidence whenever they hang out with their friend.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 want to have a dependent life in their
house
Use synonyms
, do not want to
scared
Verb problem
be scared
show examples
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 others think about them. They want to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peace to focus on their job.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 will
more
Verb problem
have more
show examples
 advantages
then
Linking Words
 live in an
apartment
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 The
apartment
Use synonyms
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 many benefits
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
also
Linking Words
 really noisy,
many
Correct word choice
and many
show examples
people
Use synonyms
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 tired of being judged by
neighbor
Fix the agreement mistake
their neighbours
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, if we own a
house
Use synonyms
, we do not need to care about
Use synonyms
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 around us.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say if a house has more good points than bad points, then keep this view in all parts of the essay.
task response
Give clear good and bad points for both homes. For example, a house may give more space and quiet, but it may cost more and need more work. An apartment may be safe and near work, but it may be noisy and small.
task response
Your first main part talks about apartments, but it does not clearly show why this point is less strong than the good points of a house. Compare the two home types in each main part.
task response
Use examples that directly fit the point. The example about asking a neighbor to watch a child is not always true and needs more detail. Explain why this is easier in an apartment.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, one part on apartment good points and house bad points, one part on house good points and apartment bad points, then a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with one clear main idea. For example: “Apartments are often safer and easier for busy families.” Then explain this idea before moving to a new one.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “On the second hand.” Use “On the other hand” when you show the other side of an idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as “because”, “for example”, “however”, and “therefore”. Make sure each link shows the right meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “people want” and “scared” many times. Use short, clear sentences so the reader can follow your ideas more easily.
task response
You give a clear personal view that you would prefer to live in a house.
task response
You include ideas about safety, help from neighbors, quiet, and freedom. These are useful points for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the basic shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “For example”, “In addition”, “As a result”, and “However” to join your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Detached dwelling
  • Suburban area
  • Urban living
  • Amenities
  • Property value
  • Homeowner
  • Tenant
  • Commute
  • Maintenance
  • Customization
  • Square footage
  • Privacy
  • Outdoor space
  • Community feeling
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