IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

million of dollars are spent on space research every year. some pp argue that the money sjould be spent on improving living standards on earth. do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is a matter of intellectual debate
that,
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
whether spending billions of dollars on
space
Use synonyms
 missions
do justify
Correct subject-verb agreement
justifies
show examples
 itself or not. Many people believe that, if
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 amount
used
Verb problem
is used
show examples
 properly, it can bring significant improvement in human life on earth. I am of
consider
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 opinion
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 solving the problems of mankind
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 should have paramount importance.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, almost all of the developed countries have their own and
collabrative
Correct your spelling
collaborative
 Astronautics expeditions. Millions of people suffer from severe deprivation and lack basic necessities. Redirecting billions from
space
Use synonyms
 agencies to social welfare can directly fund clean water, food security, and stable housing.
For example
Linking Words
, Sub-Saharan nations face acute food shortages that could be resolved with a fraction of global
space
Use synonyms
 budgets.
Body paragraph 2
Earth faces existential health and environmental threats that require massive capital. Investing in medical research for incurable diseases and renewable energy infrastructure yields immediate, life-saving returns.
For example
Linking Words
,
Funding
Fix capitalization
funding
show examples
 global solar grids or cancer research provides measurable benefits to humanity, unlike searching for distant habitable planets.
Conclusion
In conclusion, global funding must
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 urgent earthly needs over
space
Use synonyms
 discovery.Final thought
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 True human progress should be measured by how we treat our most vulnerable populations on Earth, not by how far we can travel into the cosmos.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that you agree that money should mainly be used to improve life on Earth.
task response
Explain each main point in more detail. Show how money for food, water, homes, health, and clean energy would help people.
task response
Be careful with very strong claims. Food problems in Sub-Saharan Africa may not be solved only by moving space money. Explain that money must also be used well and shared fairly.
task response
Your examples are on topic, but make them more real and clear. Give one short example of a health, water, or energy project and its result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this order, but make the link between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words correctly, such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”. Do not join words without a space after a full stop.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “Final thought:” in the conclusion. Put this idea into one normal conclusion sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice. For example, write “I strongly believe that solving human problems should be the main priority.”
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view that urgent problems on Earth should come first.
task response
You use relevant ideas about poverty, health, and the environment, and these fit your main view well.
coherence and cohesion
The main body paragraphs each focus on one clear area: basic needs first, then health and the environment.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion repeats your main view and gives the essay a clear ending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: