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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows information about the use of public transport in one country, by age group and location of residence, in 2016

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The given descriptive line graph illustrates the preference for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 dwellers and other
residents
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 their
age
Use synonyms
 in 2016. Figures are given in percentages. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is evident that
16
Correct article usage
the 16
show examples
-30
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of other
residents
Use synonyms
mostly
Verb problem
is mostly
show examples
 interested in public transportation,
while
Linking Words
31
Correct article usage
the 31
show examples
-45
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of
city
Use synonyms
residents
Use synonyms
was
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 remarkably used the
service
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
, the youngest
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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reported a considerable gap between
both
Correct determiner usage
apply
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the
residents
Use synonyms
, where the urbanised people amounted to the largest proportion at 40. More interestingly, 16-30
agees
Correct your spelling
year-olds
 of other
residents
Use synonyms
 averaged a quarter,
while
Linking Words
 the
city
Use synonyms
populance
Correct your spelling
population
 remained approximately half. It is worth noticing that
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 31-45
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
 community accounted for the most interested
group
Use synonyms
 in the transportation
service
Use synonyms
 across
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ages, above 60, which was more than twice
than
Correct word choice
apply
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that of the villagers. It is worth mentioning the fact that, when it comes to the 46-60
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
both
Punctuation problem
, both
show examples
 town and village civilians decreased the demand for the considered
service
Use synonyms
 to nearly 40 and 15
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
. Apart from that, the requirement of the urban seniors, who aged 61-
75
Punctuation problem
75,
show examples
 showed the least faith
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the public
service
Use synonyms
 at 10,
while
Linking Words
 the usage of their counterparts in rural areas stood at two times highest than them. In comparison, being the least
intersted
Correct your spelling
interested
 people across
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all the inhabitants 76 plus older generation in remote areas averaged below 10,
while
Linking Words
 that of
city
Use synonyms
residents
Use synonyms
 reported a slight growth compared to them.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words city, residents, age, group, service with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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