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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The
given two descriptive bar charts
Correct word order
two descriptive bar charts given
show examples
 illustrate the PC holders,
while
Linking Words
 the second chart illustrates
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 the educational level, between 2002 and 2010. Looking from an
overall
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 perspective, it is evident that the computer
owenership
Correct your spelling
ownership
 increased dramatically
at the end
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 postgraduates required the device
greately
Correct your spelling
greatly
 compared to the other users.
To begin
Linking Words
, device operating stood at over half, before experiencing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 slight increase to exactly 60 during the next
couples
Fix the agreement mistake
couple
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
years. More interestingly, the
steadily
Replace the word
steady
 increase of the trend in 2006
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 reported over 60 demand in 2008. It is worth
mentinong
Correct your spelling
mentioning
 the fact that, in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
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 the
propertyship
Correct your spelling
property ship
 reached the peak at just below 80, and accounted for the highest requirement in digital devices. It is worth noticing that, as the least number of owners, individuals without highscool diploma stood at just above 10, and managed to increase 40, which was two times lower than the people who averaged at incompleted college education. More interestingly, high school graduates was proportinately
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 higher than
apparently by half,that of diploma level users
Correct word order
that of diploma level users, by approximately half
show examples
, across the given years. More positively, in 2002 and
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
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 graduates,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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closely followed by
post
Correct your spelling
post-graduates
graduates
Punctuation problem
graduates,
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 stood at 70 and 90
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
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, where they maintained a slight difference between them and
advance
Replace the word
advanced
 qualification holders.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "illustrate" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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