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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the past for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand human's life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that we cannot learn anything from the past for our
life
Use synonyms
 today,
while
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 others believe that
history
Use synonyms
 is a valuable source of information to understand
human's
Check wording
human
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Body paragraph 1
There is an ongoing debate regarding whether we can learn from the past or we cannot.
While
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 some believe that
history
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 provides
people
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 with valuable lessons about various aspects of
human’s
Check wording
human
show examples
life
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, others argue that it cannot contribute significantly to modern lifestyles.
Although
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 modern
life
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 is becoming increasingly complex, requiring technical solutions, I tend to believe that
history
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 can play an indispensable role in individuals’ personal, professional, and educational development.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand, supporters of
history
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 claim that it enables
people
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 to deepen their understanding of various cultures and traditions, which can improve their essential skills,
such
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 as critical thinking, creativity, and communication. These abilities act as
catalyst
Correct article usage
a catalyst
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 for
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people’s
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 personal and professional growth,
while
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 promoting cultural awareness.
Moreover
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, historical events can give
people
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 access to valuable information about the natural beauty and the world, directly affecting their lives.
For instance
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, learning about the extinction of species can broaden individuals’ knowledge of the environment, and
become
Verb problem
make
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 them aware of environmental
challenges
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 that are resulted of human activities, including climate change and global warming.
Thus
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, learning about the past can lay the foundation for
people
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 to make progress in their lives.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, critics argue that learning about the past cannot address issues modern lifestyles face. As communities grow, they encounter new
challenges
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, including a lack of housing, new diseases, and a shortage of efficient transport systems, which have a negative impact on
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people’s
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 living standards.
Consequently
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, societies require practical solutions, which are less likely to
find them
Wrong verb form
be found
show examples
 by learning
history
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.
For example
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, as
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 has increased,
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people’s
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 demand for suitable housing has grown,
tackling
Verb problem
leading
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 to
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this problem
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 need
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 new innovations in constructing buildings.
However
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,
this
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 was not a serious problem in the past.
Hence
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, to some extent, learning about
history
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 cannot solve modern lifestyles’
challenges
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, from my perspective,
while
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 learning
history
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 can serve as a stepping stone for
Use synonyms
people’s
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 personal and professional development,
while
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 broadening their horizons and deepening their understanding of
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
, it cannot offer effective solutions to address current
challenges
Use synonyms
 the world faces.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. However, make your view more clear all through the essay. Your last paragraph says history is very important, but it also says it cannot give good answers to today’s problems. Explain how these two ideas work together.
task response
Give more direct and real examples. The example about animals dying out is useful, but explain how it helps people make better choices today. For housing, say clearly why old lessons may still help, such as city plans, public homes, or past health rules.
task response
Some points are too broad. For example, history does not always build creativity or communication. Choose one or two strong ways history helps people, such as avoiding war, understanding disease, or caring for the earth.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the links between sentences more natural.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. In the first main paragraph, start with one main idea about how history helps people today. Then give one example and explain it fully before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words and phrases, such as “people,” “learning about the past,” and “modern lifestyles.” Use simple other forms, such as “history,” “today’s life,” “society,” and “the present.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar changes the meaning. For example, write “it can make them aware of environmental problems” instead of “become them aware.” Write “dealing with this problem needs new building ideas” instead of “tackling to this problem need to new innovations.”
task response
You answer every part of the question: you present both views and state your own opinion.
task response
Your ideas about housing, disease, transport, and the environment are linked well to life today.
coherence and cohesion
The main paragraphs are clearly separated by “On the one hand” and “On the other hand.”
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending returns to your main view.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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