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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many countries are experiencing a decline in traditional arts and crafts as mass-produced goods become more affordable and accessible. Should governments financially support these traditional skills, even if they are not economically viable? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

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Introduction
Several countries are facing a decrease in traditional arts and crafts because a huge amount of
produced
Correct article usage
the produced
show examples
 products are more easily available. But these craftsmen should be financially supported by the
government
Use synonyms
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 though
these
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are not profitable. In the upcoming paragraphs, I am going to explain the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Body paragraph 1
The first and foremost reason for supporting these creators in monetary form is that it helps in saving the traditional art and culture of the country from extinction .
Due to
Linking Words
 the advancement in every sector , people are more reliant on the goods and services that are easily accessible in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. If the
government
Use synonyms
 helps them financially and promotes their business will ultimately be helpful in saving art and tradition.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason why the
government
Use synonyms
 should support them is to reduce unemployment in the country. In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, people are suffering from a lack of employment;
this
Linking Words
 issue is majorly can see between seniors and housewives. Because of the technology in every part of the country, most of the people are not eligible to work in MNC's, which is why they are facing unemployment. In
this
Linking Words
 case, if the
government
Use synonyms
 subsidises them, they can start their own small businesses and earn something, without becoming a burden on their families,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 can spend their life smoothly.
Conclusion
In conclusion, after discussing all the above mentioned points, I personally believe that it should be the obligation of the executives to provide financial assistance to preserve art and culture and decrease the unemployment rate in the region.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that governments should give support, even when the work does not make much money.
task response
Explain more fully why saving old arts matters. For example, say that these skills show a country’s past and give young people a link to their culture.
task response
Add a real example from your life, town, or country. You could write about a local craft, such as cloth making, wood work, or pottery, and explain how support could help.
task response
Make the jobs point more direct. Show how money, training, and places to sell can help craft workers earn an income.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body paragraphs, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph follow one clear path: main idea, reason, example, and result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'First', 'Also', 'For example', and 'As a result' can make the links between ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or join many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid unclear words such as 'them' when there may be more than one group. Repeat 'craft workers' or 'traditional artists' when needed.
task response
You give a clear opinion that government help is needed, and you provide two main reasons: saving culture and helping people find work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each main reason has its own paragraph and the ending returns to your main view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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