IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows US consumers' average annual expenditures on cell phone and residential phone services between 2001 and 2010.

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The given logical line graph illustrates the average
Use synonyms
spendings
Check wording
spending
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 of the US consumers on
service
Correct article usage
the service
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providing
Replace the word
provision
 of
smart
Correct your spelling
smartphones
phones
Use synonyms
 and fixed
phones
Use synonyms
, between 2001 and 2010,
according to
Linking Words
 a survey conducted by the US Beureau Labour Statistics. Figures are given
by
Change preposition
in
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 US dollars. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is evident that the American customers spent
greately
Correct your spelling
greatly
 on residential telephone services,
than
Rephrase
more than
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 the other services at the beginning,
while
Linking Words
 the trend reversed
at the end
Linking Words
.
To begin
Linking Words
, rental for the fixed
phones
Use synonyms
 stood around 700 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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2001, and it dramatically decreased to below 600 between 2006 and 2007, where the same rate,
that
Change preposition
at which
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 the cell
Use synonyms
phones
Check wording
phone
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 charges were increased. It is worth noticing that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
spendings
Check wording
spending
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 on residential devices decreased
further
Linking Words
, to
remained
Wrong verb form
remain
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 400 in 2010,
whille
Correct your spelling
while
 the
Use synonyms
spendings
Check wording
spending
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mobile
phones
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 followed an upward trend,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
leading the expenditure on communication. It is worth noticing that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the cell phone spending, which accounted
to
Change preposition
for
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 the least proportion at the beginning, tended to
experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
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 a positive development. More interestingly, it led the trend by doubling the rate to 400 in 2005. More interestingly, expenditure statistics on cell
phones
Use synonyms
 reached to the highest at 800
at the end
Linking Words
, by reporting a considerable gap between the
Use synonyms
spendings
Replace the word
expenditures
 on fixed devices.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words spendings, phones with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average annual spending
  • consumer expenditure
  • cell phone services
  • residential phone services
  • line graph
  • compare
  • increase
  • go up
  • rise steadily
  • fall steadily
  • drop
  • become higher than
  • almost the same
  • reach
  • from 2001 to 2010
  • overall
  • in contrast
  • while
  • whereas
  • figure
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