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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The bar charts below show the Marriage and Divorce Statistics for nine countries in 1981 and 1994. Write a short report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

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The bar charts
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the
marriage
Use synonyms
 and
divorce
Use synonyms
 rate in 8
countries
Use synonyms
 between 1981
to
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 1994.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that
marriage
Use synonyms
 statistics declined in all
countries
Use synonyms
 except Denmark.
While
Linking Words
 the
divorce
Use synonyms
 statistic showed a
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 increase in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and other
countries
Use synonyms
 except Denmark.
It is clear that
Linking Words
us
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 had the highest number of
marriage
Use synonyms
 approximately 10 thousands between 13 -year span. Meanwhile, during
this
Linking Words
 time US had the highest rate of
divorce
Use synonyms
 among all the
countries
Use synonyms
. It shows a slight decline from 5000 to 4000 in 1994.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Denmark
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 an exception
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
gradual increase in
marriage
Use synonyms
 from 6000 to 8000 and a little decline in
divorce
Use synonyms
 from 4000 to 2000.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
Finally,
show examples
 it is interesting to note that Italy has the lowest
divorce
Use synonyms
 rate less than 300 cases in 1981
with
Correct word choice
, and
show examples
 an increase to 500 in 1994.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words marriage, divorce, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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