IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some People prefer to provide help and support to those in the local community who need it. Others, however, prefer to give money to national and international charitable organizations. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Introduction
Nowadays,
people
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 can donate
money
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 either directly to
people
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 in need or through national and international charitable
organisations
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. Some
people
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 believe that giving
money
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 directly is easier,
while
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 others think that donating through
organisations
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 is safer. I strongly agree that donating through trusted charitable
organisations
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 is a better choice because the
money
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 can be used safely and can reach
people
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 who really need it.
Body paragraph 1
One main reason is that charitable
organisations
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 can provide safe and reliable support.
This
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 is because these
organisations
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 have systems to collect and distribute donations.
For example
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,
people
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 in Saudi Arabia can use the Ehsan platform to donate
money
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 to different charitable projects.
As a result
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,
people
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 can feel more confident that their
money
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 is being used for a good purpose.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason is that charitable
organisations
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 can reach more
people
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 in need.
This
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 is because they can identify
people
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 who need financial support and provide help to them.
For instance
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, a charity can use donations to support families who cannot afford their basic needs.
As a result
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, the
money
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 can have a positive effect on the lives of
people
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 who need help.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 some
people
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 prefer giving
money
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 directly to
people
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 in need, I believe that donating through trusted charitable
organisations
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 is better.
This
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 is because it is safer and can help donations reach the right
people
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.

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task response
You discuss both ways of giving and give a clear view. To make the answer more full, explain more about why some people give help in their local area. For example, they may know the person, see the need at once, and give food or help without delay.
task response
Your own view is clear from the start and stays clear to the end. Add one short point about a possible problem with charities, such as cost or slow help, then explain why you still choose them. This will make your view more balanced.
task response
Your examples fit the topic. The Ehsan example is useful, but say a little more about how it checks where money goes. The charity and family example is clear, but it could be more real and detailed.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Each main part has one key idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as 'For example', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'. Try not to use the same pattern too often: 'This is because ... As a result ...'. Use other links, such as 'Also', 'However', 'In this way', and 'For this reason'.
coherence and cohesion
The two main parts support your view of charities well. However, the first view is mostly named in the start and end. Give it its own short part before you explain your own view, so both views get equal space.
task response
You answer the full question by showing both ways of giving and by clearly saying which one you prefer.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: charities can use money in a safe way and can help many people in need.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is clear, and the end repeats your main view in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Each part starts with a clear main sentence, which helps the reader know what the part is about.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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