IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the past for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand human's life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
It is often argued that
history
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 cannot teach us everything in today’s era.
While
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 some individuals view
history
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 as a key source of information for understanding human experiences. I firmly contend that
history
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 plays a vital role in a human’s life.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and explain why
history
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 assists in shaping a person’s life.
Body paragraph 1
First of all,
history
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 provides us with enormous amounts of
lessons
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, cultural references, medical
lessons
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, historical, geographical and
economical
Replace the word
economic
 situations.
History
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 shows us the consequences of war, discrimination, economic mismanagement and environmental damage.
For example
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, When COVID-10 emerged, governments and scientists relied heavily on historical data from past pandemics
–
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,
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 like the 1918 influenza
outbreak
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outbreak,
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 to combat the disease.
Therefore
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,
history
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 has important
lessons
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 that help to shape today’s decisions.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the current timespan is quite different from the past. Events from centuries cannot always provide direct solutions to current problems
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such
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, such
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 as cybercrime or artificial intelligence.
For instance
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, historical events like ancient warfare or medieval trade don’t teach us how to stop phishing attacks, ransomware, or data breaches, because the problem didn’t exist before computers.
That is
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 why
,
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apply
show examples
history
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 cannot
fulfill
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fulfil
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 all the modern
world
Check wording
world's
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 problems.
Body paragraph 3
In conclusion,
while
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 there are various aspects to consider, I maintain that
history
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 is highly valuable, but
lessons
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 from the past must be adapted carefully to modern circumstances rather than copied blindly.
Conclusion
We must be considerate of our choices and make decisions
accordingly
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.

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why some people feel the past has little use today. For example, say that new tools and fast change can make old answers less useful.
task response
Your main view is clear, but the last line after the conclusion adds a new general idea. Put this idea into the conclusion, or remove it, so the ending is more direct.
task response
Use your examples with more detail. The COVID example is useful, but explain what past flu data helped people do, such as plan health care or study how disease can spread.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: past lessons, limits of the past, then your view. Keep this plan, but make the link between each idea more clear with short link words such as “However”, “As a result”, and “In contrast”.
coherence and cohesion
Some lists are too long and are not well linked. For example, “medical lessons, historical, geographical and economical situations” is hard to follow. Use fewer items and explain one or two of them.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one simple main idea, then give one example and explain it. This will help each paragraph feel more focused and easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Check word choice in linking phrases. Write “problems in the modern world” instead of “all the modern world problems”, and “events from past centuries” instead of “events from centuries”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and clearly state that history is useful when it is used with care.
task response
The pandemic example is relevant and helps show how knowledge from the past can guide action today.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives your view early, and the conclusion returns to it in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
The two body paragraphs show a clear contrast between the value of history and the new problems of today.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • learn from past mistakes
  • a valuable source of information
  • modern-day challenges
  • rapid technological change
  • social values
  • historical records
  • biased accounts
  • repeat the mistakes of the past
  • draw lessons from history
  • economic crisis
  • public health measures
  • environmental damage
  • government policy
  • cultural identity
  • a broader perspective
  • make informed decisions
  • adapt past lessons
  • current circumstances
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