IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our homes, leisure and work activities. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
In today’s era,
technology
Use synonyms
 is
revolutionizing
Change the spelling
revolutionising
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 the way humans live and is taking over every part of the world. It has reached all the corners of our lives, even if it is work, fun,
homes
Correct word choice
and homes
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 everywhere. There are numerous pros and cons of innovation that will be discussed in my upcoming essay.
Body paragraph 1
The primary benefit of
technology
Use synonyms
 is improved communication. Information
technology
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 has
revolutionized
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revolutionised
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 the way we communicate, shrinking distances and allowing for
instantaneous
Correct article usage
the instantaneous
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 sharing of ideas and information across the globe. It has made lives easier for the people in personal and professional terms.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are various apps like
whatsapp
Capitalize the proper name
WhatsApp
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,
zoom
Capitalize the proper name
Zoom
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, instant messaging, teams which helps people sitting overseas
away
Punctuation problem
, away
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 from their parents connected with them.
Also
Linking Words
, we can coordinate with our work colleagues sitting at
distance
Correct article usage
a distance
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 and share data within minutes.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
 has enhanced living standards
Linking Words
thus
Punctuation problem
, thus
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 keeping people connected and improving efficiency at work and driving economic growth.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if we talk about the drawbacks, the first and foremost is job displacement caused by IT. Automation and artificial
intelligenc
Correct your spelling
intelligence
 can lead to the loss of jobs, particularly in traditional manufacturing and clerical roles.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays at workplaces
robost
Correct your spelling
robots
 are being introduced that are replacing human efforts.
Also
Linking Words
, over-reliance on
technology
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 is concerning
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 the dependence on IT can result in loss of basic skills and the ability to manage without technological assistance.
Conclusion
Ultimately, there are both advantages and disadvantages of
technology
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. If
technology
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will be
Wrong verb form
is
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 used in a
meaningul
Correct your spelling
meaningful
 way, it brings endless joys.
However
Linking Words
,
excess
Correct article usage
an excess
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 of everything is bad.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we must not depend on the
technology
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 completely as it can make humans
handicap
Replace the word
handicapped
.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part: say if the good sides are greater than the bad sides. Your essay lists both sides, but your own view is not fully clear.
task response
Make each main idea fuller. Explain how better contact and faster work lead to a better life. Then explain why job loss and too much use of IT may be serious.
task response
Use examples that are more exact. For example, explain how video calls help a family in two far away places, or how a robot may take one kind of job.
task response
Your last part should directly answer the question. Do not only say that too much of anything is bad; state clearly whether the good sides are greater overall.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, good side, bad side, and ending. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make the opening more direct. The line about what will be discussed does not show your answer to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, such as “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “In contrast”. Do not repeat “Also” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or unclear. Split them into two short sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
task response
You cover both good and bad sides of information technology, with ideas about contact, work, jobs, and basic skills.
task response
The examples of video calls, work apps, and robots are linked well to your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, so the reader can follow the essay easily.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words such as “For instance”, “On the other hand”, and “Ultimately”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • globalization
  • connectivity
  • automation
  • knowledge economy
  • social media
  • remote work
  • virtual platforms
  • digital literacy
  • artificial intelligence
  • technological advancements
  • cybersecurity
  • data privacy
  • e-commerce
  • disruption
  • telecommunication
  • digital infrastructure
  • hackers
  • phishing
  • digital footprint
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