IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, a foreign language is taught in primary schools. Do the advantages of learning a new language over weigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
People have different views about the foreign
language
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that is
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 being taught in primary schools,
while
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 some argue that it would be a great idea to learn a new spoken
language
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, others believe that it is against their
value
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values
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 and that students should be forced to be taught as a mandatory course.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and present my personal perspective.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, those who support the first view argue
that
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is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 highly beneficial. The main reason for
this
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 is that learning a new
language
Use synonyms
 would enhance the person's value escpecially in his career and social life , by making worldwide friends that could bring opportunities in the future.
For example
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, in many urban areas, a small 2 community was learning a new
language
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 , and the other
is
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was
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 the opposite. The first one will watch the doors of life opening for him for different aspects
as
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, as
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 I mentioned above.
Therefore
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, it is clear why
this
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 view is popular.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand, Opponents of
this
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 idea believe that teaching some kind of new words in a school building is not something welcoming should be recpected their behvaiors and feelings towards
this
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 new
language
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 even if it will be a beneficial for them is a much better approach. They claim that
this
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 new
language
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is
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does
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 not
showing
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show
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 their culture in a positive way. A clear illustration of
this
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 is a small African country with a 1 million. A nearby country offered to give them tutors that teaches english
language
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 so they can learn it immediately. The small country rejected their offer.
Consequently
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,
this
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 perspective cannot be ignored.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 both sides have valid arguments,
i
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I
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 firmly believe that learning is the best thing would have ever happened in the persons's life because sometimes humans judge on things before knowing them. It is highly recommended that governments understand people's brains and
give
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provide
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 an excellent solution because human beings are not at the same level of thinking.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. Say from the start that the good points are greater than the bad points, then explain why.
task response
Your main ideas need more detail. Explain how a new language can help children at work, in travel, and when they meet people from other places.
task response
The bad side is not clear enough. You could write about less time for other school work, stress for young children, or the cost of teachers and books.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. The two small communities and the African country are hard to understand, so they do not strongly support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, good points, bad points, and conclusion. Your essay has this plan, but the second body paragraph should begin with “On the other hand,” not “On the one hand.”
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. Some sentences are very long and have many ideas, so the meaning becomes hard to follow. Write shorter sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a clear way. Use words such as “First,” “Also,” “However,” “For example,” and “As a result.” Make sure each link shows the right relation between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Check your conclusion. It should repeat your view and give the main reasons. The final ideas about governments and people’s brains do not clearly connect to the question.
task response
You discuss both views and give your own view in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph breaks and include an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “For example,” “Therefore,” and “Consequently.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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