IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people believe that the only purpose of films is entertainment. Others say films have educational value. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences.

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Introduction
Filmmaking has been a huge part of the modern
entertainment
Use synonyms
 industry ,but are all
movies
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 made just for
entertainment
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 ?
Body paragraph 1
Movies
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initially
Linking Words
 were made for
entertainment
Use synonyms
 ,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
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 in
19th
Correct article usage
the 19th
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 century as
a soundless
Correct word choice
silent
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films
Punctuation problem
films,
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 they
were carrying
Wrong verb form
carried
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 only comedy
,it
Punctuation problem
. It
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 isn't wrong to say that
purpose
Correct article usage
the purpose
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 of the
movies
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 is
entertainment
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.
Body paragraph 2
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 we clearly can see that film is
also
Linking Words
 a great tool , not only for
entertainment
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 ,but for research and educational purposes.
Theres
Correct your spelling
There's
 a very famous genre called Documentaries,it's usually independent films ,
for example
Linking Words
 :true stories ,events,or even processes in nature or society.
For
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 let's take
Nationa, geographic
Correct word order
National Geographic,
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 one of the biggest producers of documentaries about animals ,
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 very helpful not only for educational purposes ,but for research too ,many new behaviours and species were found by film groups .
Conclusion
My opinion is that
movies
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As
Change preposition
, like
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 any other expression of
human's
Check wording
human
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 ideas
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
:
Punctuation problem
apply
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literature ,paintings,songs ,etc.,
-
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
can be called an art .
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 it being an art ,it can carry multiple purposes .Film is a tool,it's an idea ,the thought process,the imagination of the filmmaker
that is
Linking Words
 displayed to us through
screen
Correct article usage
the screen
show examples
 .

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task response
Discuss both sides in a more even way. The first side is very short. Add reasons why people watch films for fun, such as to relax, laugh, or forget daily stress.
task response
Make your own view more direct. State clearly that films can entertain and teach, and explain why this is your view.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and example. The part about documentaries is useful, but explain more clearly how people learn from them.
task response
Use a clear final paragraph. Repeat your main view in simple words and bring the two sides together.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, films for fun, films for learning, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “Many people think films are mainly for entertainment.” Then explain it before changing to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the path of your ideas: “First,” “However,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two or three short sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
task response
You address both views and give your own opinion.
task response
The example of National Geographic documentaries is relevant and helps show the learning value of films.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear move from entertainment to education and then to your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “However,” “For example,” and “Therefore” help connect some ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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