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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the expenditure of two countries on consumer goods in 2010(pounds sterling)

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The given bar graph illustrates the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 of
France
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 on consumer products like Cars, Computers, Books, Perfume and Cameras in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 has the highest
expenditure
Use synonyms
 compared to
France
Use synonyms
.
an another
Correct determiner usage
Another
show examples
 significant feature is that
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on consumer goods in
France
Use synonyms
 is very low. In terms of Cars,
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 has the highest
expenditure
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 just above 450,000
pounds
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
France
Use synonyms
was having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 400,000
pounds
Use synonyms
.
France
Use synonyms
 has the highest
expenditure
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 computers
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 just below
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
400,000
pounds
Use synonyms
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
UK
Use synonyms
 was at 350,000
pounds
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 was very high compared to
France
Use synonyms
 in terms of book
with
Correct word order
expenditure, with
show examples
expenditure
Use synonyms
 of approximately 400,000
pounds
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
France
Use synonyms
 was at 300,000
pounds
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Perfume has the least
expenditure
Use synonyms
,
France
Use synonyms
 at 200,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 at around 150,000
pounds
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile,
Uk
Use synonyms
 has the highest
expenditure
Use synonyms
 compared to
France
Use synonyms
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 of approximately 350,000
pounds
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
France
Use synonyms
 was at
sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
show examples
 150,000
pounds
Use synonyms
 of
expenditure
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, france, uk, pounds with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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