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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In some countries, there are many social problems involving teenagers. This is because parents spend much of their time at work not at home. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
parents
Use synonyms
 spend
their
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 majority of
Use synonyms
time
Correct determiner usage
their time
show examples
 at work
while
Linking Words
 not prioritising
children’s
Correct determiner usage
their children’s
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Social anxiety among teenagers increases
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of social attention in some countries. In my opinion,
parents
Use synonyms
 should spend some quality
time
Use synonyms
 with their children for their
benefits
Check wording
benefit
show examples
, goodwill
which build
Correct subject-verb agreement
that builds
show examples
 up the confidence to face society.
Body paragraph 1
I strongly agree that one must be at
home
Use synonyms
 to guide their
children’s
Change preposition
children on
show examples
 what to do
what
Correct word choice
and what
show examples
 not to
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in a conflict
happens
Correct pronoun usage
that happens
show examples
 outside their comfort zone. The recent study conducted by
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
 of California
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
reveal
Correct subject-verb agreement
reveals
show examples
 that 80% of children
isolate themselves
Verb problem
apply
show examples
who’s
Use the right word
who whose
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 are working in cooperate environment
and does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not spend a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 at
home
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 must train their teens regarding handling
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
conflict in a
respective
Correct word choice
respectful
show examples
 way. For that
purpose
Add a comma
purpose,
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 must
have to fic
Verb problem
fit
show examples
 their
time
Use synonyms
 outside of
home
Use synonyms
 and focus more on
childrens
Replace the word
children
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
parents
Use synonyms
 spend
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
time
Correct determiner usage
their time
show examples
 at
home
Use synonyms
 its good for themselves and
also
Linking Words
 the society as they are raising respectful, responsible and confident children who can handle any social problem without any issue.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
teenagers
Check wording
teenagers'
show examples
 upbringing plays
very
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 vital role in growing society
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can only be possible if they get
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 direction from their
parents
Use synonyms
, which is why it is a must for
parents
Use synonyms
 to stay
home
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will help teenagers grow up with good habits and will make
parents
Use synonyms
 aware of their bad habits.

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task response
State your view in a more direct way. Say clearly that you agree that long work hours can cause teen problems, but avoid saying that all parents must stay at home.
task response
Explain the link between parents being away and teen social problems. For example, teens may have less help, less talk, and less support when they have trouble at school or with friends.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and a real or clear example. The point about teaching teens how to deal with conflict is good, but explain how parents can do this through talks, rules, and time together.
task response
Be careful with the study from the University of California. Do not use exact facts unless you can explain them well. A simple example from family life may be stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “However”. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make your conclusion match your main view. You say parents should spend quality time at home, but the conclusion says they must stay home. Keep the same message throughout.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “parents must” many times. Use other forms such as “Parents can”, “It is important for parents to”, or “This helps teenagers”.
task response
You give a clear view that parents should spend more time with their children.
task response
Your ideas about support, conflict, and good habits are related to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking words, such as “In addition”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social problems
  • teenagers
  • parental absence
  • work-life balance
  • parental guidance
  • peer influence
  • independence
  • community support
  • government initiatives
  • tackle
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