IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

some people say that traveling abroad is necessary to get knowledge about other countries,while others suggest that TV and the internet can also help people know about forein countries. Discuss both view and give your own opinion

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Introduction
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad is essential to get knowledge about other
countries
Use synonyms
, others believe that TV and the internet can
also
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 help
prople
Correct your spelling
people
 know about
forein
Correct your spelling
foreign
countries
Use synonyms
. I firmly contend that TV and the internet cannot replace
the traveling
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travelling
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the technology facilities
knowing
Punctuation problem
, knowing
show examples
 about other
conutries
Correct your spelling
countries
 is convenient. With the technology innovation, 4D video came up,
allowding
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allowing
people
Use synonyms
 to
fell
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 realistic on the computer. At the same time, they
Linking Words
also can
Correct word order
can also
show examples
 find
sort of
Correct determiner usage
some
show examples
 information about other
countries
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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people
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 can learn
different
Change preposition
about different
show examples
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
in a short time.
Body paragraph 2
Linking Words
on
Capitalize the word
On
show examples
 the other hand, others believe that
travling
Correct your spelling
travelling
 abroad is
irrepleced
Correct your spelling
indispensable
. because it
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
show examples
people
Use synonyms
immerce
Correct your spelling
immerse
 in the other
culture
Use synonyms
. When
people
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traveling
Wrong verb form
travel
show examples
 around other
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
, they can see the real
sise
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size
, colour,
metiral
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material
.
it
Capitalize the word
It
show examples
 could let
toutists
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tourists
 deeply
immerce
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immerse
 in the
countries
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, feeling
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
culture
Use synonyms
 and communicating with local
people
Use synonyms
.
it
Capitalize the word
It
show examples
 can allow
people
Use synonyms
 learning
other
Change preposition
about other
show examples
Use synonyms
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 to be
more easy
Replace the word
easier
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
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 is a good way to
aborden
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approach
people
Use synonyms
's
horison
Correct your spelling
horizon
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
thoughout
Correct your spelling
throughout
 the technology facilities knowing about other
conutries
Correct your spelling
countries
 is convenient, I argue that
travling
Correct your spelling
travelling
 abroad is
irrepleced
Correct your spelling
indispensable
,
espacially
Correct your spelling
especially
 when coonsidering see the real objects and
communicate
Wrong verb form
communicating
show examples
 with local
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully how TV and the internet can teach people about daily life, history, and culture.
task response
Your main view is clear: travel gives direct contact with a place and its people. Add one clear real-life example, such as staying with a local family or buying food in a local market.
task response
Some ideas are repeated, especially that travel helps people feel another culture. Add a different point, such as learning how people speak, work, and live each day.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, one paragraph for each view, and a conclusion. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Start sentences with capital letters. For example, write “On the other hand” and “Because” with capital letters when they begin a sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. You can use “For example”, “As a result”, “However”, and “In addition” to show why one sentence follows another.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. In the first body paragraph, focus on online learning. In the second, focus on direct experience from travel.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss both sides and state your own opinion.
task response
The point that people can meet local people when they travel is relevant and useful.
coherence and cohesion
The phrases “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion repeats your main view and gives two reasons for it: seeing real things and talking to local people.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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