IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it costs. How true is this statement? What influences people when they buy food? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, many
people
Use synonyms
 only care about the
price
Use synonyms
 of their
food
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of the process of making it.
However
Linking Words
, from my point of view,
this
Linking Words
 is
ony
Correct your spelling
only
 partly true, and
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 are several factors
impact
Correct pronoun usage
that impact
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's decisions when shopping for
food
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
In spite of the important role of
food
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
 in our
food
Use synonyms
 purchasing
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
mostly
Correct determiner usage
most
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 still consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the production of
food
Use synonyms
 they choose.
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
,
Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 market provides us
plenty
Change preposition
with plenty
show examples
choices
Change preposition
of choices
show examples
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each kind of product. And when
comsumers
Correct your spelling
consumers
 are wondering which one they should buy, they tend to pick popular
brands's product
Check wording
brands' products
show examples
, which seem having hygene proceduce was certificated by
third
Correct article usage
a third
show examples
 party, with
equivalent
Correct article usage
an equivalent
show examples
 or event slighly higher
price
Use synonyms
 tag.
For example
Linking Words
, in
supermarket
Correct article usage
a supermarket
show examples
, between Nestle instant coffee and an
unknow
Correct your spelling
unknown
 brand's instant coffee at the same
price
Use synonyms
,
buyer's
Correct article usage
the buyer's
show examples
 decision almost definitely is the
Netsle
Correct your spelling
Nestle
 coffee.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, in
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 life,
people
Use synonyms
 not only care about how their
food
Use synonyms
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
, but
also
Linking Words
 consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
health
benefit
Check wording
benefits
show examples
 and
food
Use synonyms
 safety. Many consumers are now willing to pay more for organic fruits, vegetables and eggs or meat
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
 without excessive use of
fertilizers
Change the spelling
fertilisers
show examples
 and
pesticide
Check wording
pesticides
show examples
,
instead
Linking Words
 of random products in
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 market, because they believe these are healthier and safer.
Beside
Change preposition
Besides
show examples
, in Vietnam,
food
Use synonyms
 safety is becoming
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crucial issue. Wives are
also
Linking Words
 more careful about checking ingredients and origins of
food
Use synonyms
, ensuring there is nothing that could harm their family.
For example
Linking Words
, vegetables and fruits with traceability QR code are now being
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
,
eventhouth
Correct your spelling
even though
 their cost
higher
Verb problem
is higher
show examples
 than the tradition one.
Conclusion
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
,
Use synonyms
food's
Check wording
food
show examples
 prices often are the first concern, but are not the only factor shaping the
consumers's behavior
Check wording
consumers' behaviour
show examples
. Shoppers
also
Linking Words
 consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how foods
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 processed, whether they are nutritious and safe
before
Punctuation problem
, before
show examples
 paying their bills.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts more fully. You say price is not the only thing people care about, then explain food safety, health, brand name, and where food comes from. Add one short point about time, taste, or family needs.
task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part. Say if this idea is true for some people, but not for all people. Then keep this same view in each body part.
task response
Your examples are useful, but make the link to your point more clear. For example, say that people pick Nestle because they trust its safety and how it is made, not only because it is well known.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: opening, one part on price and brands, one part on health and safety, then a short ending. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. For example: “Price is important, but people also trust brands.” Then give an example and explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care: “However”, “For example”, “Also”, and “As a result”. Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence. Split long sentences into two.
coherence and cohesion
Keep word use the same. For example, use “food price” or “the cost of food” through the essay, rather than many different forms.
task response
You give a clear view: price matters, but health, safety, and how food is made also matter.
task response
You use real and relevant examples, such as coffee brands, organic food, and QR codes on fruit and vegetables.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, two main parts, and an ending. The reader can see the main direction of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links between ideas, such as “However”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • household budget
  • food bills
  • affordable prices
  • cost-conscious consumers
  • basic necessities
  • food production methods
  • animal welfare
  • organic produce
  • free-range eggs
  • locally sourced food
  • environmental impact
  • carbon footprint
  • ready-made meals
  • nutritional value
  • check food labels
  • freshness and quality
  • brand reputation
  • ethical consumer choice
  • special offers
  • tight budget
What to do next:
Look at other essays: