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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The plans below show a college café before it was redesigned and how it looks now

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Introduction
The plan depicts how a college cafeteria was in the past and how it
was
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 redesigned now.
Body paragraph 1
Overall
Linking Words
, the café still has the old design with the same rooms.
However
Linking Words
, a new outdoor place was introduced to accommodate more students.
Body paragraph 2
Firstly
Linking Words
, the cantin open a new place with a barbecue and outdoor seating , including five tables ,
whereas
Linking Words
 the other seats are indoors.
As a result
Linking Words
, they create two new doors to connect the rooms.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the indoor kitchen is still the same apart from the fact that the serving area was changed to include hot meals.
Conclusion
Secondly
Linking Words
, many things have changed in the principal area. Recycling bins have been introduced , taking up much more space than the previous bins. Nearby the bins are the toilets. On the other side of the room, the designer created a Salad bar.
Finally
Linking Words
, the staff dining room has been changed into a coffee bar and a takeaway food.

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task response
Give a more exact main view. Say that the café was changed in both the main room and the new outside area, not that it still has the same rooms.
task response
Check all key changes on the plans. Make clear what was removed, what was moved, and what was added. For example, explain the new salad bar, coffee bar, take-away food area, bins, doors, and outside seats.
task response
Use clear place words to help the reader see the plan: on the left, on the right, next to, near, and at the back. Do not add ideas that are not clear from the plan.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-paragraph form is good. Make each body part follow one clear order, such as outside area first, then the main inside room.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. Use simple links that show the right relation. For example, use 'while' to compare old and new parts, and use 'as a result' only when one change causes another.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete and easy to follow. For example, change 'the cantin open a new place' to 'The café has added a new outdoor area.' This will make the ideas flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Keep names the same throughout. Use either 'café' or 'cafeteria', and use 'outdoor seating area' rather than changing the name each time.
task response
You give a clear overall view and point out the main new outside seating area.
task response
You mention several important changes, such as the hot-meal serving area, recycling bins, salad bar, coffee bar, and take-away food.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, an overall view, and two main body parts.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful place words, such as 'nearby' and 'on the other side of the room'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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