IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays an ordinary person can become popular through the Internet and TV media. Is it a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples.

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Today, any regular individual can quickly achieve fame through social media platforms and television.
Overall
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,
this
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 will likely result in a beneficial effect as it enables
individuals
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 to succeed and acquire new opportunities and experiences.
Additionally
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, being a well-known individual is not restricted to wealthy
individuals
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 or businesspersons. Anyone in
this
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 world who possesses unique talents
like
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, like
show examples
 singers or
dancers
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dancers,
show examples
 can become a famous individual.
Moreover
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, television and social media platforms enable knowledgeable
individuals
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 and content creators like educators to disseminate and showcase their expertise
while
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 earning income online. Witnessing average
individuals
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 achieve fame and fortune will motivate impoverished people to aspire for wealth and notoriety as well. There is no doubt that being famous comes with various drawbacks, as renowned
individuals
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 are more susceptible and exposed to harassment, both verbally and physically.
Consequently
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, they must possess psychological resilience to engage with communities from various backgrounds. Young children and teenagers are readily influenced by celebrities.
Moreover
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, younger people engage in risky or foolish TikTok challenges to gain more followers on their accounts. Famous populations often have negative impacts on others, as some families begin to compare their children to those celebrities, despite their differing backgrounds and experiences.
This
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 leads to children starting to measure themselves against others

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task response
Give a clear opinion in the first paragraph and keep it the same all the way through. You say this is good, but much of the essay then talks about bad points. Explain why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. For example, explain how online fame can give a skilled singer, dancer, or teacher a real chance to find work or earn money.
task response
Use one or two clear real-life examples. For instance, describe a teacher who posts short lessons online and then gets students from many places.
task response
Add a short final paragraph. Restate your view and sum up why you think the good side is greater than the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, one paragraph about good points, one paragraph about bad points, and a conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words such as “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “In the end”. Do not put too many different ideas in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and carry more than one idea. Split them into shorter sentences so the meaning is clear.
task response
You address both the good and bad sides of becoming well known through online media and TV.
task response
Your points about skilled people, teachers, and young people are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives your main view and introduces the idea that online fame can create new chances.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Additionally”, “Moreover”, and “Consequently”, to show connections between ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ordinary person
  • popular
  • Internet
  • TV media
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • examples
  • showcase talents
  • creativity
  • opportunities
  • accessible
  • YouTube stars
  • reality TV participants
  • successful careers
  • democratization of fame
  • diverse backgrounds
  • greater representation
  • privacy
  • public scrutiny
  • mental health issues
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • controversial content
  • sensational content
  • attract attention
  • societal impacts
  • misinformation
  • harmful trends
  • short-lived fame
  • fleeting
  • instability
  • career
  • income
  • online sensations
  • popularity
  • influence
  • aspirations
  • self-esteem
  • younger audiences
  • developing skills
  • detrimental
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