IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people it is necessary to travel abroad to learn about other countries,while other people think that it is not necessary to travel abroad because all the information can be seen on tv and the internet.to wat extent do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
The statement argues that
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
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 not necessary to travel to foreign countries because everything can be seen on television or the
internet
Punctuation problem
internet,
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while
Linking Words
 others say
its
Verb problem
it's
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 relevant to travel abroad.
Body paragraph 1
First,
Linking Words
I want to say that
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 do find
tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
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 and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 very useful to get information from all over the world and
therefore
Linking Words
 would not want to miss
to have
Wrong verb form
having
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 access to them. At the same time, just because we can read about foreign places like Africa or watch a documentary from the desert in Egypt,
this
Linking Words
 does not replace a direct experience.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, cultural habits and traditions can have
very
Correct article usage
a very
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 powerful effect on us when we are exposing ourselves, coming out of our comfort zone and
travell
Correct your spelling
travelling
 into foreign places.
Conclusion
On the other hand
Linking Words
, to stimulate curiosity and for educational
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
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 I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that social media plays a tremendous role
and
Change preposition
in
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 sharing information that we would
otherwise
Linking Words
 have no access to.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 we are already exposed to an enormous amount of online content
that
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I would even argue that
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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 is even more important because
its
Use the right word
it's
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 a direct experience rather than having heard of or seen something on
tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
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. I believe that we have to see and experience life directly and that we don't know something just because we have read about it.
Consequently
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, I agree that we have to travel abroad to learn more about ourselves and the world directly. And at the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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 I would not want to miss
to read
Wrong verb form
reading
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 and
learn
Wrong verb form
learning
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 more about other places around the globe from my home.

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Task response
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph. You can say that you mostly agree that travel is needed, but TV and the internet are still useful.
Task response
Give one clear reason in each main paragraph. For example, travel lets people meet local people and see daily life, while online media can help people learn before a trip.
Task response
Add a more real example. The examples of Africa and Egypt are useful, but explain what a person may learn there that a video cannot show, such as food, language, or local ways.
Task response
Your final paragraph repeats your view well, but make it shorter and stronger. State your answer again and sum up the two main reasons.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, first main point, second main point, and conclusion. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat, especially the point that travel is a direct experience. Use the second main paragraph to develop a different point instead of saying the same idea again.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words such as “First”, “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore” can show how one idea leads to the next.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two short sentences so the meaning is clear. For example, explain social media in one sentence, then explain why travel gives more in the next.
Task response
You give a clear overall view: online information is useful, but it cannot fully take the place of travel.
Task response
Your essay stays on the main question and compares travel with TV, the internet, and social media.
Coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and signal words such as “First”, “On the contrary”, “On the other hand”, and “Consequently”.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, two main parts, and a final view, so the reader can see the basic shape of your answer.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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