IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Body paragraph 1
It is argued that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 medical workers should train their patients
for improving
Wrong verb form
to improve
show examples
 their health. Personally, I confidently agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, and the reasons will be explained in the following essay.
Body paragraph 2
First and foremost, working in
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 field is quite responsible
in
Change preposition
,
show examples
 which
,
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apply
show examples
 requires sophisticated academic skills,
coupled with
Linking Words
 experience that should exceed a decade.
However
Linking Words
, it is sometimes not sufficient to heal someone entirely. They have to provide their patients with appropriate guidance about their conditions in order to
minimize
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minimise
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 subsequent risks.
For instance
Linking Words
, individuals who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 gone through an operation
,
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apply
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 and have to wear bandages that
acquire
Verb problem
need
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 to be changed constantly
,
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apply
show examples
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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 to learn how to take care of themselves
for avoiding
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to avoid
show examples
 infections.
Thus
Linking Words
, their doctors are the ones who are going to show how to do it. A
further
Linking Words
 benefit of educating sufferers can be considered saving considerable time for both of them,
Linking Words
therefore
Correct word choice
apply
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it can be
time consuming
Correct your spelling
time-consuming
 to change the compressions frequently.
Body paragraph 3
Secondly
Linking Words
, in some cases, people who have undergone medical surgery
in
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on
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 their internal organs have to follow
up
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apply
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a strict diet, especially
the ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
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 who suffer from digestive problems. It is indispensable for the clinician to provide his or her client with the proper diet plan,
Linking Words
therefore
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these diet programs will reduce risks for exposing to the toxins the body is sensitive
for
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to
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 and increase the likelihood of faster treatment.
Additionally
Linking Words
, since the initial process of treatment requires
flexible
Correct article usage
a flexible
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 budget, getting educated
for
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on
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 the intervention strategies can be satisfactory for saving money, because
suffered people
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people who suffer
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 begin to take doctor appointments less and control the process themselves.
Conclusion
In conclusion, even though there are several arguments about
if
Correct word choice
whether
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 the post-operation medical mentorship done by healthcare providers is essential or not, I firmly support the idea of its necessity and the benefits
this
Linking Words
 instruction brings with
itself
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
.

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task response
State your view in a more direct way. You agree, so say that doctors should have this duty, but that they can share it with nurses and other health workers.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear chain: doctors give advice, patients know what to do at home, and this can stop new health problems. Keep the focus on health teaching, not only on care after an operation.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. For example, a doctor can teach a person with diabetes how to eat well, check sugar, and know when to get help.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Make the first line of each main part state one simple idea before you add details.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Split them into two or three short sentences. This will make your meaning much clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Do not use “therefore” when the next idea is not a result. Use “also”, “for example”, “because”, and “as a result” only when they fit the meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point about saving time and money. Give each body part a different main job: one about safe care at home and one about stopping future illness.
task response
You clearly give your own view and keep this view from the start to the end.
task response
Your ideas about care after an operation and diet plans are linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to help explain your points, especially the example about changing bandages.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic approach
  • preventive measures
  • chronic diseases
  • medical interventions
  • healthcare professionals
  • consultations
  • dietitians
  • health educators
  • literacy skills
  • visual aids
  • digital tools
  • reputable online resources
  • community programs
  • ongoing support
  • patient outcomes
  • initial guidance
  • mitigated
  • follow-up consultations
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