IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some individuals claim that too many funds have been allocated to looking after and repairing old
buildings
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, so we should replace them with modern
buildings
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.
Although
Linking Words
 old historical
buildings
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 require substantial investment to preserve, I completely disagree with demolishing them for several reasons.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main reasons why I think old
buildings
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 should be preserved is that traditional architecture is an important part of a
country
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's cultural heritage. Rapid urbanisation can threaten cultural heritage by replacing historical
buildings
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 with modern developments, leading to cultural homogenisation.
Therefore
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, providing financial support for the maintenance of historic
buildings
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 and monuments can contribute to cultural preservation.
Body paragraph 2
The second major reason is that historical places can bring tourists and boost the
country
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's economy. It is widely believed that tourism plays a crucial role in a
country
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's economy.
Additionally
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, it not only creates employment opportunities
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 promotes cultural diversity by allowing visitors to experience a
country
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's history and traditions. A clear example can be seen in Central Asian countries , particularly in Uzbekistan, which attracts many tourists with its abundance of traditional
buildings
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.
As a result
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, it reduces poverty among local residents
while
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 providing access to the history.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 historical
buildings
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 require a lot of investment in order to maintain them, I believe that they not only play
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 role in preserving the
country
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's cultural heritage, but
also
Linking Words
 boost the government's economy by attracting tourists , and creating employment opportunities.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start: you do not agree with knocking down old buildings. You give two main reasons, culture and tourism. To make the answer more complete, also explain why new buildings cannot fully take the place of old ones.
task response
Your example of Uzbekistan is useful and fits your point. Make the link clearer: say that old places such as Samarkand bring visitors, who spend money in hotels, shops, and local services.
task response
Be careful with broad claims. “It reduces poverty” is too strong. Say “it can help local people earn more money” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Each body part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. In the second body part, “Additionally” starts a sentence with “it” that has no clear noun before it. Write “Tourism also creates jobs and lets visitors learn about local history and traditions.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences can be more direct. For example, change “it not only creates employment opportunities, but it also promotes cultural diversity” to “Tourism creates jobs and helps visitors learn about local culture.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep your key words the same. You use “old buildings,” “historical buildings,” “historic buildings,” and “traditional buildings.” This is mostly fine, but use “historic buildings” more often for a clearer line of thought.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view throughout the essay.
task response
The points about protecting culture and bringing in tourists are relevant and well chosen.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending match well, and the conclusion brings both main reasons together.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are well placed, and words such as “Therefore,” “Additionally,” and “As a result” help show the flow of ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Preservation
  • Restoration
  • Demolition
  • Architectural heritage
  • Cultural significance
  • Tourist attraction
  • Urban landscape
  • Sustainability
  • Conservation
  • Economic benefits
  • Historical landmarks
  • Urban renewal
  • Infrastructure
  • Maintenance costs
  • Modern amenities
  • Building regulations
  • Community identity
  • Heritage conservation
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