IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some individuals claim that too many funds have been allocated to looking after and repairing old
buildings
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, so we should replace them with modern
buildings
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.
Although
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 old historical
buildings
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 require substantial investment to preserve, I completely disagree with demolishing them for several reasons.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main reasons why I think old
buildings
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 should be preserved is that traditional architecture is an important part of a
country
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's cultural heritage. Rapid urbanisation can threaten cultural heritage by replacing historical
buildings
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 with modern developments, leading to cultural homogenisation.
Therefore
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, providing financial support for the maintenance of historic
buildings
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 and monuments can contribute to cultural preservation.
Body paragraph 2
The second major reason is that historical places can bring tourists and boost the
country
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's economy. It is widely believed that tourism plays a crucial role in a
country
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's economy.
Additionally
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, it not only creates employment opportunities
,
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apply
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 but
it
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also
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 promotes cultural diversity by allowing visitors to experience a
country
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's history and traditions. A clear example can be seen in Central Asian countries , particularly in Uzbekistan, which attracts many tourists with its abundance of traditional
buildings
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.
As a result
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, it reduces poverty among local residents
while
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 providing access to the history.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 historical
buildings
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 require a lot of investment in order to maintain them, I believe that they not only play a major role in preserving the
country
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's cultural heritage, but
also
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 boost the government's economy by attracting tourists
,
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and creating employment opportunities.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you answer the question well. To make the response stronger, explain why the cost of repair is still worth it when compared with the cost of pulling down and building again.
task response
Your two main ideas are useful: culture and travel. Add one more clear detail to each idea. For example, say how old sites help young people learn about their past, or how local shops gain money from visitors.
task response
The Uzbekistan example is relevant, but make it more exact. Name one old place or explain what visitors do there. Also, change “providing access to the history” to a clearer idea, such as “helping visitors learn about the country’s past.”
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this strong plan, but make the link between each point and your main view more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Additionally” is not needed after “It is widely believed.” Start the next point more simply: “Tourism also creates jobs and helps visitors learn about local culture.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and hold more than one idea. Split them into shorter sentences to make the meaning easier to follow. This is especially helpful in the second body part and the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “country’s economy,” “tourists,” and “cultural heritage” too often. You can use simple other words such as “local economy,” “visitors,” “the past,” or “old sites.”
task response
You give a clear opinion and keep it the same from the introduction to the conclusion.
task response
The points about saving cultural heritage and bringing in visitors are relevant and well chosen for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one main idea, which makes the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly show your position and bring the essay together.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Preservation
  • Restoration
  • Demolition
  • Architectural heritage
  • Cultural significance
  • Tourist attraction
  • Urban landscape
  • Sustainability
  • Conservation
  • Economic benefits
  • Historical landmarks
  • Urban renewal
  • Infrastructure
  • Maintenance costs
  • Modern amenities
  • Building regulations
  • Community identity
  • Heritage conservation
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