IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

How important do you think it is for children to play as well as learn in the primary school classroom? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Nowaydays
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Nowadays
, it is significant to believe that children play
along with
Linking Words
learing
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learning
 in the primary schools has become an important issue these days. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 I strongly believe it is
an
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apply
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essential for
the
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apply
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young people to disconnect from their academic
life
Use synonyms
,
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apply
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and have fun .
Body paragraph 1
One main reason
disconnecting
Verb problem
is disconnecting
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 from academic
life
Use synonyms
.because it can affect them in a good way .
Such
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 as having passion and energy to go back to there leasons.
For example
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,playing
in
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during
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 break time can lead them to regain their energy
,
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apply
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and obtain their focus back on track.
As a result
Linking Words
 , they will do much better in their other classes.
Body paragraph 2
Another main reason is education ,as we mentioned before
the
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, the
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 importance of learning. Because learning is very
singificant
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significant
 in their
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
 , they can
bulit
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build
 their skills through classes
such
Linking Words
 as
,
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apply
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working in
group
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a group
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 ,or even to be able to speak in front of people .
As a result
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, they will have
a
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apply
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strong skills that will help them in their own career
life
Use synonyms
, and
it
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they
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 can assist them.
Conclusion
In
conlcusion
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conclusion
,
although
Linking Words
 it is very important
playing
Wrong verb form
to play
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,
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apply
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and education . I strongly
sticking with
Verb problem
believe in
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 the importance of the 2 reasons because
it
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they
show examples
 will affect them in
good
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a good
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 way.

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task response
State your main view in a clear way: play is as important as learning, not only a break from learning. Then keep both body points linked to this view.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how play helps children feel happy, make friends, learn to share, and pay more attention in class.
task response
Use one clear, real example. For example, say that children who play a short game at break can return to class with more energy and do their work better.
task response
Your second body point is mostly about learning. Make the link clearer by showing how play can teach skills, such as group work, speaking, sharing, and solving small problems.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, one body part about health and focus, one body part about social skills and learning, then a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a full topic sentence. For example: “First, play helps children return to class with more energy and focus.”
coherence and cohesion
Do not begin a new sentence with “Because” when it is not linked to the sentence before. Join the ideas: “This is important because it can help them feel more positive.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more exact way. Use “For example” before an example and “As a result” only after you have clearly explained the cause.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion short and clear. Repeat your view and the two main reasons without adding unclear new ideas.
task response
You give a clear view that children need time away from school work to have fun and feel ready to learn again.
task response
You include ideas about energy, focus, group work, and speaking in front of people. These are useful points for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion, so the reader can follow the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use helpful links such as “For example,” “As a result,” and “In conclusion.”
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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