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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart and table show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart and table show information about students from abroad studying in four English-speaking countries in 2004 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart and the table
presents
Correct subject-verb agreement
present
show examples
 information about
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
students
Use synonyms
 overseas studing four English- speaking countries
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
 Australia,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and Canada
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 2004 and 2012.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
marks
Wrong verb form
marked
show examples
 the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in 2004 and
2012
Punctuation problem
2012,
show examples
 respectively.
While
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in UK and Australia was around 120
students
Use synonyms
 in 2004 and it increases in 2012 and it was 200 approximately.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, Canada marks the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
. Turning our attention to the table, the percentage of
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
 unchanged in 2004 and
2012
Punctuation problem
2012,
show examples
 it reach to 2% in both years.
Whereas
Linking Words
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of total
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, Australia, and Canada
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 in 2012 and it was 13%, 24%, 7%, respectively . In conclusion, there is incresement in
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
foregin
Correct your spelling
foreign
students
Use synonyms
 in
English speaking
Correct your spelling
English-speaking
 countries in both years 2004 and 2012,

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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