IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some of today's schools insist that all students have their own laptop computer in class to assist in their education. Do you feel that this would be an advantage to studnets' education or would it be an unnecessary complication?

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Introduction
Nowadays, schools insist that all students have their own
laptop
Use synonyms
computer
Use synonyms
 in class to support
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their education.
This
Linking Words
will
Wrong verb form
has
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 become
controversial
Correct article usage
a controversial
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 topic recently around the education system.
This
Linking Words
 would be an
advantage
Use synonyms
 to
student’s
Check wording
students’
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 education.
Student’s
Check wording
Students
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 always like to use familiar equipment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their studies because
this
Linking Words
 can
be
Verb problem
apply
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save
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
Use synonyms
.
While
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 some
are thinks
Wrong verb form
think
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 using
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
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laptop
Use synonyms
 would
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
be an unnecessary complication.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain
advantage
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 and disadvantages
with
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from a
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 supportive
prospective
Replace the word
perspective
.
Body paragraph 1
The primary
advantage
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 of using
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
show examples
laptop
Use synonyms
 is
their familiar
Fix the agreement mistake
its familiarity
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 with the
computer
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
, which
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this
Linking Words
 will save
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 when you do the
school
Use synonyms
 works.
For example
Linking Words
, if you
used
Verb problem
are used
show examples
 to your personal
laptop
Use synonyms
key
Correct your spelling
keyboard
bored
Punctuation problem
bored,
show examples
 you can type faster essays and take down
note
Check wording
notes
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 will save you
time
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, and
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also
Linking Words
 it will improve
writing
Correct determiner usage
your writing
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 ability. Another
advantage
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 is
you
Correct word choice
that you
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 can recap all the
school
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 work
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 once you go home because you have all the data inside your
computer
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. By the
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 parents can look
what
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at what
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 subject they have
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
 at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 today
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they can see
daily
Correct article usage
the daily
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 progress of the children.
Body paragraph 2
On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, it has disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they can be
addiction
Replace the word
addicted
 to the
computer
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.
For example
Linking Words
,
student
Check wording
students
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 staying more
time
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 on screen
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will avoid
them doing outdoor activities, in
Correct word order
doing outdoor activities. In the
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 past decade
student
Punctuation problem
, student
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 like to play outside
on
Change preposition
during
show examples
 break times
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 having
Use synonyms
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
 with them
change
Wrong verb form
changed
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 the scenario. Now they don’t like to go outside
this
Linking Words
 will
effect on
Use the right word
affect
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 their health in future.
Conclusion
In conclusion, when I compare both advantages and
disadvantages
Punctuation problem
disadvantages,
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 I strongly agreed bringing
personal
Correct article usage
a personal
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laptop
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 to
school
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 is more useful because it
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to improve writing ability
and
Punctuation problem
,
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 etc.
However
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, as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents and
teachers
Add a comma
teachers,
show examples
 you need to limit screen
time
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children.

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task response
Make your main view clear in the first part. Say that laptops are more helpful than harmful, then keep this view through the essay.
task response
Explain each point more fully. For example, say how fast notes and home review can help a child learn better.
task response
Give a more real example for the bad side. You could say that a child may play games in class or at break, so they may not move or talk with friends.
task response
Do not add “and etc.” in the end. Name one last clear good point instead, such as easy access to class work.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: first part with your view, one part for good points, one part for bad points, and a final part with your view again.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then add an example and a short result. This will make the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way: “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “In the end”. Do not use “By the way” here because it feels less formal.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same words for key ideas. Use “students”, “laptops”, and “school work” in a clear way, rather than changing between many forms.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view in the final part.
task response
Your points about fast typing, saving school work, and too much screen time are on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body parts, and a final part.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links, such as “For example”, “Another advantage”, and “In conclusion”.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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