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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

It can be a struggle to select an appropriate gift for a young relative or the child of a friend. While some believe that money is the best type of gift, I agree with those who suggest other gifts are more suitable.

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Introduction
In today's complex world, numerous issues and topics are subject to debate. One
such
Linking Words
 topic is that people find
money
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
to be
show examples
 the best type of
Use synonyms
gifts
Fix the agreement mistake
gift
show examples
 when struggling to select an appropriate gift for a young relative or the child of a friend.
While
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 every topic has its own agreement and disagreement, my viewpoint is that other
gifts
Use synonyms
 are more suitable.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, suggesting other
gifts
Use synonyms
 would be more suitable than gifting
money
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. So, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 many other
gifts
Use synonyms
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be given
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 everyone likes them.
For example
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, my mother used to say the best thing to gift someone is a
perfum
Correct your spelling
perfume
.
Therefore
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, there are more suitable
gifts
Use synonyms
 than
money
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the example above supports my viewpoint.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the community members find suitable
gifts
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a child of
friend
Correct article usage
a friend
show examples
 or a young relative as
time consuming
Correct your spelling
time-consuming
.
However
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, gifting them
gifts
Use synonyms
 might be more appropriate.
so
Capitalize the word
So
show examples
, many people find gifting
money
Use synonyms
disrespectfull
Correct your spelling
disrespectful
.
For example
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, in many cultures, gifting
many
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
shows the idea of
puverty
Correct your spelling
poverty
.
Therefore
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, with
this
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 strong and clear narratives my viewpoint
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been proved.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the facts provided above
supports
Correct subject-verb agreement
support
show examples
 how suitable it would be to keep
gifts
Use synonyms
 other than
money
Use synonyms
 in mind for a friend's child and young relatives.
Linking Words
therefore
Capitalize the word
Therefore
show examples
, I believe that putting effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
gifts
Use synonyms
 might benefit
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society in a positive way.

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Task response
State your main view in a clear way, then give two strong reasons. For example, gifts can show care and can match a child’s age, needs, or likes.
Task response
Develop each main point. Do not only say that other gifts are better. Explain why a book, toy, game, or clothes may be more useful or more personal than money.
Task response
Use examples that clearly support your point. The example about perfume is not a strong choice for young children. Choose child gifts, such as a story book, a game, or art tools.
Task response
Check that each example is clear and true to your point. The idea that money shows poverty is not fully explained, so the reader may not understand or agree with it.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each body part focus on one reason only.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid very general opening lines such as “numerous issues and topics are subject to debate.” Start directly with the gift question to make your writing more clear.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. “To begin with,” “For example,” and “In conclusion” are useful, but make sure the next sentence gives a full reason or result.
Coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same idea many times, such as “other gifts are more suitable.” Add new detail after each point instead.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences clearer. For example: “Finding a gift may take time. However, this effort can show that the giver knows the child well.”
Task response
You give a clear opinion: gifts other than money are better. You also try to give reasons and examples.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This gives the reader a simple and easy-to-follow shape.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some useful signpost words, such as “To begin with,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion.”
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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