IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, most people try to balance between work and other parts of their lives. Unfortunately, not many achieve this balance. What are the problems with this? Suggest some solutions to solve the problem

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Introduction
In today’s fast-paced society,
work-life
Use synonyms
 balance has become an increasingly urgent concern.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the primary causes of
work-life
Use synonyms
 imbalance and propose feasible strategies to address the issue effectively.
Body paragraph 1
One of the principal causes of
work-life
Use synonyms
 imbalance is that employees have to work long hours.
This
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 occurs because they have too many tasks to complete every day;
consequently
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, they feel tired and stressed. Another compelling factor is that people have ineffective
time
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 management.
This
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 stems from the fact that they waste
time
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 using smartphones and social media.
This
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 exacerbates the problem by leaving little
time
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 for family and rest.
Body paragraph 2
To address
this
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 growing issue, it is essential that governments take decisive action by setting clear limits on daily working hours. It is recommended that
this
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 approach be prioritised because it helps workers get enough rest after work. Another practical suggestion is to teach people how to manage their
time
Use synonyms
 better;
this
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 could be achieved through short online courses and company training.
Conclusion
In conclusion, all things considered, making an effort healthy
work-life
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 balance remains a complex and multifaceted challenge that demands immediate attention.
Although
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 work pressure and technicality are the primary causes, adopting
time
Use synonyms
-management and flexible working would be an effective way to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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task response
Answer both parts in full. Explain the problems caused by poor work-life balance, such as poor health, stress, less time with family, and lower work quality. Your first body paragraph now explains causes, not problems.
task response
Give more detail for each main point. For example, show how long work hours can lead to poor sleep, family conflict, or mistakes at work.
task response
Add a real or clear example. For instance, a parent who works late each day may miss meals and time with children.
task response
Keep your ideas the same from start to end. You mention flexible work in the last line, but you do not explain it in the body.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. However, make the first body paragraph focus on problems, then use the next body paragraph for solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between cause and result. Words such as “as a result”, “therefore”, and “for this reason” can help, but do not use too many link words in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph shorter and clearer. “Making an effort healthy work-life balance” is not clear. Say: “In conclusion, poor work-life balance can harm health and family life.”
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for key ideas. You write “technicality” at the end, but this idea is not clear and was not developed before.
task response
You give two useful solutions: limits on work hours and time-management training.
task response
Your ideas are linked to daily life, especially long hours, stress, phones, family time, and rest.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, two main paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your topic sentences help the reader follow your main ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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