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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling for travellers?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
People
Use synonyms
 are travelling more than before in recent times. The extensive
use
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 of social
media
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 is helping
people
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 to obtain
travelling
Replace the word
travel
 information and significantly
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
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 the potential
visitor
Check wording
visitors
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, travelling is
also
Linking Words
 beneficial for
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travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
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 to learn about new interesting
cultures
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.
This
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 essay will discuss
about
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apply
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these topics
further
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.
Body paragraph 1
Many countries nowadays promote their tourism
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
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. Several years ago,
people
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are difficult
Verb problem
apply
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to search
new
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for new
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 places
in
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apply
show examples
across
continent
Correct article usage
the continent
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.
For instance
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, it is really difficult to find secluded areas
such
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 as Polynesia, Bora-Bora or Fiji. The lack of information makes it hard for potential
visitor
Check wording
visitors
show examples
 to know that kind of places, how much cost that needed to travel and how to reach them. For that reason, several countries
use
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 social
media
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 to inform their potential visitors and another essential part that their visitors should know.
In addition
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, they
also
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use
Use synonyms
 social
media
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 to attract specific potential
Use synonyms
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
.
For example
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, Bali who known as the beach
paradise
Punctuation problem
paradise,
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 attracts more international surfers to their area.
This
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 is
also
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 happening to Italy,
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 attracts more luxury
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travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 to experience the premium vacation life in
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 luxurious villas or beaches.
Therefore
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, these promotion methods are intensively useful to increase potential
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travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 substantially and make
people
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travelling
Wrong verb form
travel
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 more than before.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
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,
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travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 could learn about
new
Punctuation problem
new,
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 exciting
cultures
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. They could learn about new
tradition
Check wording
traditions
show examples
, foods, language
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 how
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they live.
For example
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, when
people
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 are travelling to Japan, many
travelers
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use
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 their
kimono
Fix the agreement mistake
kimonos
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 or
another
Correct determiner usage
other
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 traditional clothes.
This
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is
Wrong verb form
has
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 happened in order to experience the
cultures
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 and
also
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respecting
Wrong verb form
respect
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 the local traditions.
People
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also
Linking Words
 could learn about diversity, how it different with their own
cultures
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.
As a result
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, I believe
this
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 kind of experience could change how
people
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 live and how
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people
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 see others.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
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 helps
people
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 to know about the
new
Punctuation problem
new,
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 beautiful places, essential
travelling
Replace the word
travel
 information
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 beneficial for them to learn about
new
Punctuation problem
new,
show examples
 exciting
cultures
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these factors are the cause
why
Change preposition
of why
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are travelling more than before.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. State clear reasons why travel is more common, such as cheap flights, more free time, and online travel information. Then explain the benefits for travellers in a separate main part.
task response
Your ideas are relevant, but some are too general. Explain how social media makes travel easier: people can see places, compare costs, book rooms, and plan trips. Add one clear result for each point.
task response
The part about learning culture is good. Develop it further by showing how this can help people become more open to other ways of life and understand people from other countries.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the first main part focus only on causes and the second only on benefits.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “One main reason is...”, “Another reason is...”, “One benefit is...”, and “As a result...”. This will make the flow easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and contain many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences. This will help the reader understand your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “social media” and “travellers” too often. Use words such as “online posts”, “travel sites”, “visitors”, or “people” when the meaning is clear.
task response
You answer both questions: you give a reason for more travel and explain a benefit of travel.
task response
The examples of Bali, Italy, and Japan are relevant and help make your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, main paragraphs, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one main idea, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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