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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people cant speak or present well in public, an idea is to start training from the school.State if it is important to speak well in public.Do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
THe
Capitalize the word
The
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 issue of
people
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 who cannot speak or present well in public has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
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 believe that it is important to start training
from the
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in
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school
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,
while
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 others argue that it is not essential to speak or present well.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits ,I firmly believe that
people
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 should learn how to speak or present well.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate for
start
Wrong verb form
starting
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 training from the
school
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 argue that there are many benefits to
learn
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learning
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 how to speak or present well in public.
For instance
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,it is good to have a job,many companies choose their employees from the interview ,
which
Correct pronoun usage
where
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 they can see how the
person
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present
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presents
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 or
speak
Correct subject-verb agreement
speaks
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.
In addition
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,when a
person
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present
Correct subject-verb agreement
presents
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 well at
school
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 or any place,he will be more confident than the
person
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 who has poor
presention
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presentation
.
Furthermore
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,many
people
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 attract with confidence
person
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Linking Words
therefore
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; therefore
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 he will have a lot of
relationship
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relationships
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that it is not essential to present or speak well emphasise that the
person
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 can be a successful
person
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 without
know
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knowing
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 how to present well.
For example
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,many wealthy families have been rich without
present
Verb problem
speaking
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 well,so that any
person
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 can be rich without speaking well.
Furthermore
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,many
people
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 feeling anxity or
frighted
Replace the word
frightened
 when they present or speak to the public,which affect on their health.
For instance
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,if a student has a
presntion
Correct your spelling
presentation
 at
school
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,she might feel
strees
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stressed
 and cannot sleep.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that
people
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 should learn how to present or speak well if they want .The reasons outlined above clearly
demostrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrate
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 that it
depend
Correct subject-verb agreement
depends
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 on the
person
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 .

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task response
Your view is clear in the start: you agree that people should learn to speak in public. However, the end says it depends on the person. This does not fully match your main view. Keep one clear view from start to end.
task response
Answer the main question more directly. Explain why speaking well in public is important, and why schools should start this work. You can say it helps students in class, at work, and in daily life.
task response
Some examples are too general or weak. The point about rich families does not show that public speaking is not important. Use a clearer example, such as a skilled worker who does good work but finds it hard to explain ideas in a job interview.
task response
Develop each main idea more. After giving a reason, explain how and why it supports your view. For example, public speaking can help students share ideas, ask for help, and feel ready for future job interviews.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, one side, the other side, and end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first line of each body part clearer. For example: “One reason schools should teach this skill is that it can help students find work.” Then give one example and explain it.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “In addition”, and “However” are useful, but the ideas after them must connect clearly to the idea before them.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “speak or present well” in almost every line. Use simple other words, such as “this skill”, “public speaking”, “sharing ideas”, or “speaking to a group”.
coherence and cohesion
Your final part should sum up your main reasons and repeat your clear view. Do not add a new idea, such as “if they want”, because it makes your position less clear.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic and give your own view.
task response
You include ideas about jobs, confidence, and fear, which are related to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear paragraph breaks for different parts of the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful joining words, such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “To sum up”.
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